Mr Facts Man, you've gotta help! I have an exam coming up and I need to know everything about human prehistory!
I do not EVER do requests and this is certainly no exception, so no information on the subject will be given below.
Human prehistory began with our ancestors, Homo erectus. Homo erectus lived about 2 million years before English would approach the time when their name would make people giggle.
Homo erectus died out due to overhunting by the Elder Things, which in turn died out due to overhunting by Shoggoths. Shoggoths would not be seen again until the Gothic era.
Early humans, Homo sapiens, a name meaning “Same thing but smarter than Homo erectus,” developed the ability to make tools from stone, mostly by breaking the stone into tool-like shapes, such as the hammer:
And the primitive screwdriver:
These tools allowed humans to move out of their caves, which made their parents happy because after 30 million years, everyone involved agreed the time had come to move out and get a job.
This job would of course be humanity’s oldest profession: Chief Information Officer. CIOs maintained early humankind’s digital systems, which at the time were composed only of their own digits (fingers). Thus, base ten math was invented, and patented, and profiteered upon to the detriment of the poor. With the invention of cruelty toward the poor came capitalism, and the counter-invention of socialism, and the war between the two, which was then fought with more and more advanced weapons:
Humans excelled not only in finance and math, but in writing class. By doodling crude images and stick figures in the dirt, humans became able to communicate their ideas to one another more effectively. Several ideas existed at the time, including, “Let’s eat a mammoth,” “Let’s eat a rabbit,” and the still controversial, “Let’s eat pineapple on pizza.”
These early drawings became known as “Hieroglyphs” owing to their height and roglyphity, the former giving them an advantage over lowroglyphs. Hieroglyphs allowed more and more advanced technological advances to be made, such as sewing animal pelts to make better clothing, mixing mortar to create better buildings, and the invention of the earliest known smart phone:
The earliest smart phone had only one app, which allowed it to hit things. It could not make calls, nor could it access the internet, making it more useful and reliable as the common smart phone of the year 2020, which cannot hit things without breaking.
Humans also created art, in which they would smear ashes on rocks to make more accurate depictions of life and imagination than hieroglyphs allowed. Around the same time, humans invented music and the earliest music instrument:
This music was of course known as “Rock.”
Prehistory ends around 3,500 B.C. with the beginning of the Bronze Age. The Bronze Age ended humankind’s reliance on stones for technology and began the ability to make metals, namely bronze. Which comes from ore:
Indeed, since prehistory, humans have come very far. We now have cars, and guns, and electricity, and the internet, on which we learn about our world and its history, and look at portable network graphic files, such as this one:
2087
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