happy 5 years since i was banned on quixol for being queer
i dont search quixol on tumblr, but its been some time. i have moved on. i dont make friends anymore. i dont trust people anymore. i dont even play minecraft much anymore, except on a small friend server with some of the queer ex-quixol players
quixol is dead! mixed feelings. it was nice until the day i called my ocs queer in public chat, and got a condescending message about using the word “queer” on other people from someone on staff. similar stories from a lot of my ex-quixol friends
damn, i wonder if my queerplatonic ocs are okay with being called queer...
someone contacted me on twitter about old dirt that vivian was a pedophile. not sure if i believe it considering that vivian and the staff called my friend a pedophile over a few non-sexual joke homestuck posts. the callout on vivian was never made, and i was never told any incriminating details, so i'll leave it alone
apparently one or more toxic ex-mods - blake probably among them - were the ones pushing for my ban, and digging through my social media for incriminating content. doesnt really change the fact that the other mods were following along, arguing with my friends, and changing the server message to try and drag me about the tweet i made that called acephobes homonormative
i’ve been bullied for a lot of my life. it’s weird to get out of highschool and think that it’s over, only for a bunch of ND LGBT+ folks that you trusted to pull the same stunts, and act justified about it. i guess no one and nowhere is safe? i guess it’s not worth trusting people anymore
i was banned on december 5th 2017. blake was a mod until sometime around november 2018. better late than never i guess! perhaps the admins were doomed from the start, if it took them that long to take action against one toxic staff member
vivian and bean each separately made apologetic posts that i found in the quixol search. i appreciate the posts for what they are worth. please be kinder in the future
i’m still on tumblr under a different account that i’ll never reveal here. i abandoned this account because i became paranoid that someone would dig through my posts to try and harass me again, but i didnt have it in my heart to delete this blog or throw out my url, so i just left it and made a whole new account
i generally don’t use the name zeetheus anywhere anymore. i dont link any of my social media anymore. i go by different names on different sites. because being too easily identifiable as zeetheus is part of what got me banned, and what would continue to give me anxiety for years afterward
i would feel crushed and afraid and want nothing more than to delete and remake over and over again, until i realized what i was actually anxious about
i hope someday that i wont be as paranoid
