My Page of Everything

I wrote an essay about being FtM (female to male) transgender and made multiple references to my actual gender and not being a girl. And people still responded calling me “she” because so many people think that “transgender man” means “a woman who was born male.” I had to have my professor contact a student to set the record straight because she wouldn’t respond to my other methods of correcting her.

My birth name is unisex but more popular with women, and so whenever I write a story from the first person perspective, everyone assumes the character is female. I wrote a story where the narrator’s gender isn’t brought up once and people assumed they were a girl, probably because of their assumptions about me. I wrote a story where the narrator is a boy named Aaron and people still assumed he was a girl, just based on their assumptions about me. It feels like people will just assume the narrator matches the author’s gender until one of them whips their genitals out (because evidently subtler methods of saying “this is who I am” don’t work).

So I’ve noticed that “weird” or otherwise non-traditional pets have been becoming popular on the internet lately (and probably have been for a few years but my finger is not on the pulse), and this is going to lead to an uptick in demand for these critters. Although I can sit here and just say, “Do your research!” I think it would be more beneficial to provide what I’ve learned about one animal in particular: ducks.

Ducks are adorable. They’re derpy. They’re funny critters. But they are a lot of work. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from having pet ducks:

1. You can’t just have one.

No, I don’t mean, “They’re such great pets it’s impossible to not want to scoop another one up!” I mean you cannot have only one duck. Unless you or your housemates are always home and always available to keep your duck company, you’re going to want at least two. This is because ducks are social animals and will get lonely like, immediately after being left alone. So unless you are quite literally always home, you’re gonna need two at least. Oh, and ducks don’t automatically get along with other ducks, so there is a chance that your ducks just might not like each other.

Each ducks has their own personality, and may or may not click with each other or you. 

2. They can’t just “hold it” and will go to the bathroom every 10-30 minutes.

And no, they can’t be potty trained. So if you plan to keep the ducks inside and let them roam around, you’ll need to get duck diapers (which do in fact exist), which you then have to clean. If you want to keep them in an enclosure, they will, of course, need room to roam, but your living space will smell awful.

3. Everything wants to eat them.

Everything. Depending on the size of your ducks and where in the world you live, certain predators like hawks and falcons might not be a problem, but you can’t let your guard down. Weasels, foxes, coyotes, maybe even your neighbor’s dog if given the chance will try to eat your ducks, and you’ll need to make sure that your yard is secure. Keep in mind that some predators can scale fences or dig under them, so you’ll either have to partially bury the fence to make it deeper and harder to dig under or give them an enclosure with a bottom so nothing can dig in. Also, keep in mind that a duck you go to purchase will most likely be a domestic duck, meaning they can’t fly and probably won’t have any know-how on defending themselves.

Also, because they are prey animals, it means you need to work harder to earn their trust. Even if you do your best, some ducks just won’t click with you. One of our ducks has known me for about a year and a half and she sometimes asks me for pets. Our other duck, whom we’ve had since she was a duckling (about four years?) runs away when I get too close unless I have snacks. Even then she only tolerates me.

4. They can be rough on your yard.

We have two ducks and our yard looks like a mud pit because they like to dig for bugs and play in the mud. If you have an enormous area for them to roam and only a small flock it shouldn’t be as bad, but don’t expect to win any awards for best lawn if you have ducks.

4.5 And don’t even get me started on gardens...

If they find out you’re growing tomatoes or cucumbers or any other foods they like, forget it.

5. They can be EXPENSIVE.

Building or buying a shelter costs money. Food and snacks cost money. Most pet insurance companies out there do not cover ducks, so trips to the vet are probably going to be paid out of pocket. The last time we had to go to the vet following a thankfully very minor fox bite, it cost us a little over $100, and this was by far the least expensive trip (there was another incident back in 2020 where it cost us well over $500 per duck). That is, of course, if you can even find a vet who has special training in avian care. Additionally, because they are considered livestock bred for food, the medications they have access to are limited. ADDITIONALLY, some breeds are pre-disposed to issues. Both our male and our uncle’s male had bum legs that swelled up and left them lame and nobody knew why. Unfortunately, some of these issues have no solutions.

Also, giving a duck a pill is not a simple task.

6. They can live for a long time.

All pets are a commitment, but pets with long lives are even bigger commitments. We have American Peking ducks. The life expectancy of an American Peking is 12 years. And they ain’t ducklings for very long (I understand ducklings are the selling point for ducks when it comes to people on the internet). There are a lot of people who cannot handle this commitment, and so some shelters do have a large amount of ducks and other fowl who grew up, stopped being as cute, and got dumped.