dead man runnin'

being anti-amatonormativity in a romance centered world is like watching half the people you know put all their eggs in one basket and then drop the basket and all their eggs break and they’re crying and swearing they’re never gonna do that again and then a month later they have all new eggs in a new basket and they tell you the problem was they didn’t have a strong enough basket or fresh enough eggs and then they drop the fucking basket again.

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

sleep is the stupidest fucking bullshit to ever exist

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

google used to know what i was talking about

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

sending bimbo hypnosis videos to other ebay users so theyll forget to outbid me

daughter (non-practicing)

sister (deadbeat)

much to consider

god i need something so bad. but what is it