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the doctor says i got an attention deficit so y'all gotta gimme more

date idea: you come over and we take turns listing our least favorite things about me and then you tell me all the reasons why i should kill myself and then i confess all my sins to you and you say "oh wow, you're an even worse person than i THOUGHT you were!" and then you brutally beat me and leave me bleeding and bruised on my carpet and then you say "man, you really could've been something, but it's too late now. look at yourself. it's too late." and then you leave!

(no beers in) does anyone wanna keep me as their house pet forever

Make your haters become incubators when you wield the ovipositor of success

if Humpty Dumpty ever stopped being in danger then he would lose his identity & go insane

many of you seem to live like this

broooo last night was a cry for help

(unpleasant shiver runs down my spine) You know, I didnt really mean all that about laughing qith you and having fun. I'm getting the power drill again

I’m literally the love of your life.