i turn my clamification dial to 100% & the capital of the netherlands becomes clamsterdam. i turn it to 200% & it becomes clamsterclam

we need fewer songs about falling in love and breaking up and MORE songs about famous disasters of the sea

being told you’d cruise the seas for american gold you’d fire no guns, shed no tears, now you’re a broken man on a halifax pier might not be a universal experience, but like neither is the club. so a little perspective might be nice

all women should be more hairy and sweaty and eat more food and laugh more loudly. my stance as a feminist and also my stance as a lesbian pervert

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

i am just moved by everything now. i'm porous and everything gets inside me

severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person

i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes

I have already died thrice by 1pm

it's disorienting when you beat me with a shovel

1 beer in and i start telling people to surrender

so i put my hands up theyre playing my song the evil skull flies away

yes im addicted to attention and orgasms and food and shiny jewlery and 7$ Iced Lattes. does that really not sound like an awesome lifestyle to you

you know apparently you're not supposed to give kittens and cats saucers of milk? yeah what you're actually supposed to give them is 1-2 Modelo tall boys. easy mistake to make, happens to the best of us.

the whole point of life is being deeply moved by art. and bread

an argument can be foreplay if you do it right