She's ghostin you but shes goblin me

hello to all the beautiful exhausted intelligent resentful compassionate irritated women of the internet i love you

printers behave like that because the medieval monks they put out of work are haunting them

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

Reminds me of the time I accidentally punched a bee trying to walk up hill. Sorry man

im so tired i could sleep a horse

The Gaslighting Magician: This is your card

I ❤️gossip I ❤️eavesdropping I ❤️asking nosy questions I❤️ looking for and acquiring information. On account of my curious and inquisitive nature #mynature

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

Can I hit or do I have to pay tribute to the rest of your polycule first

I need my weird alone time or I will explode

you betrayed everyhting you stand for and all you got in return was a kickass sword and ability to start fires with your mind and d cups. pretty good deal !

hi my name is dark yagami and my goal is to give birth to billions of people

just a heads up. im gonna do a big curse soon

why do cherries have to be sexual & strawberries get to be all innocent. why are we slut shaming fruit. what is the sexual valence of a blueberry