hi its jessie

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

It's really funny that redditors convinced themselves that the stupid Tiananmen Square copypasta is going to get chinese people forcefully disconnected from their internet service or something while the UK government will get your ass if you complete the sentence "Soldier F is ___" and has actively worked with google and with social media websites to censor posts or search results about Soldier F

Like 90% of the shit people make up about China is actually true for the UK

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

The reflecting pool in DC was just redone in “American flag blue” at the request of Mr. Drump and the sealant on the bottom is already peeling off and the pool is now full of algae and surprise surprise the guy that owns the company that got contracted to do it was a major donor to his campaign and appears to know him personally.

Shoots you with my carbo-(i)nator, instantly carbonating all of your bood at once, causing a sudden but brief unimaginably strong sensation of suffocating from the dissolved carbonic acid before causing a simultaneous heart attack and stroke as bubbles form through your entire circulatory system in unison

What the fuck dude

Bestie English - best friend Bestie Czech - beast, brute, monster

synonyms

i love you trans women i'm so sorry about the world

if you don't love trans women i'm standing outside your house with a really big sword. so consider that

Art

@beetlesmiles !!!

@critterishere