yardstick for failure

also, i consulted a psychologist last week and the results for the anhedonia are in: i have to run an experiment with forcefully creating new neural pathways which is to be done (also) by properly reflecting on things I enjoy/good things happening to me, right after they happen and ease other thoughts that happen to me during things I enjoy into written notes which was described as "park the shit things into the shit carpark and get back to what is actually happening in front of you"

ill give you a clue: doing enough in my brain is to work to the point of burnout every two years of my life

yes exactly, as a child getting As was the norm, not a good thing, just a benchmark, and getting anything else was a problem and now they even have the gut to tell me my the perfectionism i have been battling my whole life is self inflicted, while i am suffering from anhedonia because objectively good solid work that i do doesnt fire up the right parts of my brain

chat, i am exhausted