it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you

Literally amazing that there’s a predator that goes “mrrp” and you’re allowed to have one in your house

sorry i dont find #joy in #homemaking or the #hearth or any shit like that i find joy in being paid and spending 126$ at a restaurant and thee liquor store

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

not everything is getting worse. at least you don't hear high hopes by panic at the disco every day anymore

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

poking at Ur hand with my nose to get you to pet me

you're going to try and bite it aren't you?

im not gonna lie i will straight up be biting it yes

ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

FUCK this post and happy birthday sonic

Of course, it’s Sonic’s birthday today! (23rd of June)

edward likes taking bella to the meadow because she gets eaten up by mosquitos who then become flying little snackies that edward doubles back for. edward leaps about the meadow snatching them up like a bass jumping from a lake

video game secret: there's clever wordplay hidden in the title of the game "nintendogs". the word "dogs" is cleverly added on to the name "nintendo" to form the word "nintendogs". this is actually a reference to the concept of "puppies"

every lyric annotation on Genius reads like this