Not Sure What I'm Doing Here

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

i dont “have ptsd” that’s all just the wizard’s curse

the wizard is my mother but that's not relevant

u know what i fucking love. is that it's so clear that many of us have important full time jobs. yet you can see us here on tumblr throughout the work day posting about the most unhinged shit possible. like we're really out here going to a meeting then coming back to tumblr like "shane drippy big dick bouncing on that thang" before running back to another meeting like Hi Linda yes I talked to the team earlier and we're ready to send the documents over. How was your weekend

y’all on the west coast know that nobody else calls them that right

t- they’re called zooper doopers??? huh??

THE FOCK IS A ZOOPER DOOPER THAT’S AN OTTER POP

nO WE CALL THEM ZOOPER DOOPERS N THEYRE THE BEST FAKIN SUMMER ICYPOLE

they’re literally just ice pops what the fuck are you two talking about

i call them iced lollies, what the hell is a zooper dooper

Oh my god this is even worse. Yall out here ssaying otter pop and zooper dooper with a straight face AND insisting ur right?

A fucking what now?

BITCH THEYRE FREEZIES!!!!

Here in New York it’s just called an ice.

DO YOU ALL FUCKING MEAN POPSICLES???? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU COMING UP WITH EUPHEMISMS FOR POPSICLES.

who put a zooper dooper on my dash and then insisted it was called anything but a zooper dooper.

?. The humble freeze pop ??

I hate when king arthur has all these fussy little steps in the instructions and you're like "no way do these fussy little steps matter" but you try it and they do. they matter so much.

I thought you meant Camelot quests and I was like "that's fair, 'never pick a four leaf clover on the last Wednesday of the month' IS a fussy little step that shouldn't matter" but then I was like "wait isn't that also a flour company"

nooo I am not a beleaguered knight of the round table I am making elaborate focaccia 😭

Wile E. Coyote, two milliseconds before he lights a match only to reveal he's surrounded by flammable traps he himself has set and the whole website explodes

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all