Queen's Thief blog (with other topics)

Why are all the negative comments on this post from porn blogs…

This is from “would I lie to you” and the premise is that the contestants - usually the BBC’s regular rotating cast of professional comedians - have to work out whether someone is lying about a low-stakes anecdote. David Mitchell famously gets worked up about extremely low-stakes things

No creativity no innovation no nothing. Just dead minds where a living organ once sat, torn out in pieces by an unfeeling machine in the name of shares.

when i was a kid i had moments of being so fucking diabolical because i realized at some point the best way to leverage power over my family was to do shit that would make everybody late

5th grade was the last time I wore a dress for school pictures. When my parents attempted to force the issue for 6th grade, I climbed onto our roof and pulled the ladder up after me. My dad borrowed the neighbors ladder. As soon as it touched the roof I pulled it up too. By the time I had 3 ladders they were willing to negotiate, and 2 hours late for work.

[Image ID: a tumblr tag reading "problems that can be avoided if you simply treat your child as a human being with the right to make decisions on what they wear". End ID]

my luminous mama

Oh easy mistake. Yearning actually rises from the floor and longing hangs from the ceiling

fun fact! this is because longing is created by the condensation of vapors against the cave ceiling that contain love solutes, deposits of which accrete and eventually drip down to create yearnings. this is because love rocks

fuuuck accidentally mixed up dowsing rods and sounding rods and now my pepeneus can detect freshwater springs

i hate when apps know that i’m screenshotting something. when i screenshot something, that’s me acting outside your realm of understanding, app. i am beyond what you consider the observable universe. you’re not supposed to perceive me. we don’t know when god screenshots the earth. we don’t know when he’s like, “okay i’m just gonna take a pic in case i ever want to add dinosaurs back to something later and don’t remember how.” and if we did, we wouldn’t act all smug about it like, “hey, you wanna share that post? you could just click here to share it.” no, man. you didn’t catch me. i screenshotted this for my own reasons. what’s next? i can’t take a photo of my computer screen with my phone out of laziness without being shamed by the printer i don’t own?