hiiii

one of my favorite hobbies is not being a parent

The only true way to immortality is to say so much weird shit that your words will forever live rent-free in other peoples' heads. Like the person who decided to string together the sequence of words "shaking like a chihuahua shitting out a peach stone." Like why did you make me read that. It emerges in my head regularly, whenever I least expect it and the situation needs it the least.

I do that often

Shit out peach stones?

the worst part of summer is that people get sooo comfortable expressing their disgust at having to see other people’s bodies. they’re always complaining about wrinkly old men at the nude hot springs or fat women in bikinis at the beach. I hate that shit. if you’re not capable of being normal about bodies you personally don’t find attractive, just turn your head to look at something else! and if you’re not smart enough to do that, then at least do the rest of us the courtesy of suffering in silence, because we don’t wanna hear your weird comments. thanks.

does anybody have the shark tank kratom dog ashes "that's a perky!" screenshot

this is so sad he doesn’t even know there’s a double barreled shotgun pointed at him

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica