nervous young inhuman

call me a sugar mommy the way i'm buying expensive gifts for my baby (the baby is my laptop) (the gift is a new charging cable that doesnt spark wildly if you move at all)

if you’re getting bored on your eight hour drive don’t worry! you can just pick at your skin for hours to keep ya busy

(in the most weary exhausted voice, clearly trying to hype myself up) crazy girl shit gonna go spring breakers

hi, it’s me, your cat. yeah the one you’re allergic to. you mind if i wake you from a dead sleep by shoving my entire wet little nose inside your nostril

i’m no longer medication noncompliance jones i am now medication ultracompliance jones (accidentally took double the maximum recommended dose of zoloft)

it’s important to remember that all foods worth eating can be eaten from a mug or a tortilla