Wells are a type of wizard tower, they're just inverted
w. looks around nervously. wizard hole
*roisterous cheering*
h

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@wizardopinions
Wells are a type of wizard tower, they're just inverted
w. looks around nervously. wizard hole
*roisterous cheering*

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In world where there is two types of tower-dwellers, a Princess is locked in a tower.
There are two types of tower-people: A Princess, put there to remain pure until marriage or until rescued, and a Wizard, put there by choice to study and learn in isolation. Princesses are defined by their beautiful long hair, and wizards are defined by their beards and impressive 'stache.
There is a Princess, and she lives in a tower. She was put there recently by her mother and father, to keep her pure and untouched until they can secure the marriage to another kingdom and a prince shes never met. She has long, almost brown sandy-blonde hair, pale green eyes and a slim, tender build. She is not the fairest in the land, but she is fair and pretty. If compared to a rose, she would be the humble yet graceful willow tree, slender and tall. She has wanted to be a wizard since a young age, but there is no way for a Princess to become a wizard. Princesses are delicate girls to be protected and sold off until their either dead or Queens or have found True Love.
She used to run the castle halls, stick in hand, robe fashioned out of a delicate silk bedsheet, shouting fake spells at birds while her servants chased her. But as she grew older, her restraints became tighter, and more and more often, she was confined in her room to embroider in solitude with barely the comfort of a window or a maid. The life she is forced into makes her hang her head low, makes her hands be paper-soft, and demands her hair be long and beautiful and perfect like all other Princesses. The world she longed to be a part of was a world of study and experimentation, and as the kingdoms Princess and tool, she could not even dare to hint at her desires into adulthood. She could become a witch, she knew, flee the castle barefoot and sink into the loving embrace of the swamp. But witches don’t live in towers, and they mostly make potions instead of spells, and they don’t grow the flowing whimsical beards that wizards do.
But that does not mean she has to be bored in her tower. Fascinated by magic as she always has been, she arranges with a long string of bribes for books on spells and forbidden potions to be smuggled along with her meals. She studies them while the clock ticks down for either a prince to arrive or her marriage to be finalized. Either one will doom her, and she wants to enjoy herself as much as possible until her marriage. She pours over the books long into the night by candlelight, and all day, she rests her pale, tired eyes. She experiments, and she reads, and she studies non-stop, barely stopping for meals and littering her books with an assortment of food stains. She cuts off her hair to use in bubbling gold potions, her skin becomes scarred with a rainbow of the consequences of failed experiments, and her dresses turn into makeshift cheesecloths and fire-fuel. She washes late into the night after she is done with her work for the day in the darkness, not glancing into the mirror that has become cracked and dusty. When her eyesight starts to fail from strain and working in darkness, she fashions for herself bottle-round glasses, blown by herself in the depths of her tower. Engrossed as she is in her studies, she does not notice the tower warp, and the meals stop rotting, and how she started out in one circular room but now has a loft and a second floor and the fact that the tower seems much much taller then it was originally.
What she DOES notice though, is when brushing crumbs from her face she feels facial hair on her upper lip.
She rushes to the bathroom and thrusts a candle into the holder as she looks at herself. In the dusty mirror, she sees the beginnings of a bushy mustache sit on her upper lip, much further along in growth then be logically possible without her noticing. It’s a pale blonde, like her hair, and she notices faintly that there are streaks of grey in it, a very familiar shade of grey. She brings a trembling hand to her upper lip.
Much, much later, a prince rides up to the tower. It is tall, and warped, and very clearly belonging to a wizard, despite the royal family claiming their daughter lives here.
He shouts up, a bit nervous because of the thorny vines wrapping the beautiful stonework.
“Hey! Does a Princess live here?”
A young man with large bottle glasses and a rather impressive mustache leans out of the tower, his short, sandy-blonde hair spilling lightly in the wind. He starts to say something, then glances back into his house. A smile breaks out on his face as he seems to realize something.
“No!” He shouts back, after a moments hesitation. “But a wizard does!”
It's been a while since I've seen new tumblr fairytale :)
Heehoo question what potion is ideal for making a wizard lose all (all) of his beard hair and eyebrows specifically thank you goodbye
What kind of PISS poor wizard want to lose all His beard??? Leave this website and as well as that never Ever speak to me ever again.
What if you're playing a very cruel prank on another wizard
Oh ho ho well than. put a little naked mole rat toe nail in that brew o yours..!! hohoho..
Hey there mister Powerful Wizard! Want a glass of lemonade? It's only 25¢!
do NOT pass a kobold the blunt. they will eat it
that was one fucking time, I said I was sorry

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Giovanni Gasparro, Ritratto di don L. M. E., 2011
Oil on canvas, 60 X 50 cm
returning, disloyal tumblr users (TWITTER DEVIANTS) should know about the WIZARD TITHE !
basically you have to pay a WIZARD TITHE
*shoots you with my beam*
*shoots you with my beam*
*shoots you with my beam*
*shoots you with my beam*
OOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
*your dick falls off*
reblogging to help transwomen
wizard mutuals to touch staff tips with
being sent to the dungeon
ask the jailer if their dungeon is creepy or wet
she doesn't understand
conjures illusions explaining what is creepy and what is wet
she laughs and says "it's a good dungeon sir"
gets tossed into my cell
it's wet

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The reason wizards wear lots of jewelry is for self defense.
I shoot a beam at my wizard nemesis but it reflects flawlessly off of his Claire accessories clip on earrings, killing me instantly.
We are hurtling between whore and wizard at alarming speeds
Wizard tip of the day:
Retreating into the dark recesses of your tower committing unknown horrors on innocent test subjects for weeks at a time may cause your husband and wife to leave you
my favourite thing about this post is that the wording implies all wizards have both a husband and a wife
Exactly what I was thinking @wizardpotions
good morning LIGHTNING BLAST
AAHAGHHGUOGHGOOGOUGU
AOHGUHGHHGHAHGHHHGHH

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New to the wizard community :)
what should I know
Well, if you want to be accepted as a cool new wizard you have to sneak into Old Mungus' tower and steal one of the scrolls he keeps in his basement. Kind of a rite of passage. I heard that if you take his Ligma scroll it makes you like totally the coolest definitely
Wait, who's Mungus?
Get a mung deez nuts
AGHGAHGOUGHGHHGGUH
New to the wizard community :)
what should I know
Well, if you want to be accepted as a cool new wizard you have to sneak into Old Mungus' tower and steal one of the scrolls he keeps in his basement. Kind of a rite of passage. I heard that if you take his Ligma scroll it makes you like totally the coolest definitely
Wait, who's Mungus?