Huolla, Thou Hast Discovered Mine Blog!

i am judge, judy and executioner

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

I actually like it when my roommate does something kind of annoying or thoughtless because it lessens the fear that I’m an irreconcilably terrible person to live with just because I happen to use the same space as him

that being said why exactly did bro walk in and just kind of turn the light off and leave. while I’m sitting here reading

tinder link in bio.

*tapes scissors to my dick* why won’t anyone fuck me, edward scissordick?

I love going trough the notes every time bc there’s always someone in the notes insisting we’re all mean and that you can just wear thick dish gloves over your fake nails as if I wouldn’t assume you’re going to Patrick Bateman my ass if you walked into the bedroom with claws and yellow rubber gloves

her pussy

OUTTA MY WAY IM BOUT TO GE- ouchie. Ouch. Ouchie.

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent

You have to listen to the basic melody a while before you start to improvise.