Cool Animal Facts

Guy who says “I’m contributing to traffic” instead of “I’m stuck in traffic”.

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

I am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

ocd will have me thinking i cant text "here now if you wanna head over" because i sound like blowjob mario with a walkie talkie

nobody thinks this way, you are a broken person

I took your skull off display because my guests kept saying it looked noticeably gayer than the other skulls

i love saving images onto my cell phone. it’s like picking berries

dreamt that itch.io released their own special adaptable accessible super thin flexible silicon game controller called the Butterfly you could also fuck (they packaged each one with lube and toy cleaner) but there was no specific obvious way you were supposed to fuck it they encouraged everyone to find their own special unique way to fuck it. and they ran these ads for it that were different people from all walks of life saying what they do with it . sunburned rural dad who folds it hotdog style and jacks off into it. biracial masc lesbian with undercut who tribs with the joystick. young amputee in wheelchair who lets it vibrate on his lap while he works on his novel. etc. beautiful supermodel woman whos like "and me? i just game. hard." it ended with them all triumphantly saying into the camera "and thats how *I* fuck #MyButterfly"

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

*voice of someone craving even the tiniest sliver of control* i could make a spreadsheet,

my bedsheet is pregnant and it's. the rest of my laundry

my mother is playing pikmin and yelling at them in the exact tone of voice she uses for me and my siblings so we go into fight or flight every time. we thought initially that this meant she regarded the pikmin as akin to her children, but I now fear she’s always viewed us as pikmin

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i should make a pet mazda miata in tomodachi life later