welcome to the junk drawer

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically

it's really embarrassing how much self control i have to exert when you put me in front of a tray of convenient and tender meat like if you put meatballs in front if me the fuckers are gone in milliseconds. same true of roadted brussels sprouts or basically anything that's a nice little dense and textured morsel. i am the hors that d'ouvres

do not stand at my plate and snack. that shit's all mine. please give it back. i am the dozen hors that d'ouvre. i am the meatball's gentle curve. i am the cracker's butter crunch. i am a thousand grapes for lunch.

im realizing very fast that people do not in fact know that sometimes things in stories suck on purpose and it sucking is the point

pop tart short for popular tart

it’s so funny that dan’s so shocked the box is directly from alice oseman like babe i have some incredible news for you about Alice Oseman’s Phannieism

Do it wrong do it weird do it incorrect just dont do it with ai

they knew they were three months from telling everyone they’ve been in a relationship since they met and dan wrote d <3 p in ketchup and made a beeline for a camera to show it off before walking back and letting phil see. and they’ve never fucking talked about it since.

THANK YOU mysterious ki-tchennnnnn ffairy........ the wi-zard ofthe kiTCHennn... coommewithHis ESSSOTERIC KNOWLEDGE.... is jack rEeal? oRrishe a ~maniFesTation ofoOuhr madNess?~

he has never looked more like crowley and that includes when he was dressed up as crowley