"and we're pulling out of here to win"

shane’s so fucking brave, man. where the fuck would they be if shane weren’t so full of courage

ilya starts this bit with shane where he claims he can psychically sense when shane gets horny whenever they’re apart and so he’ll text him out of the blue like “senses tingling. you are horny.” and the gag is that he’s not Wrong but its definitely a chicken or the egg situation as shane claims he only gets horny after ilya suggests it (also he’s kind of like. never not horny) and it kind of pavlovs shane to get hard every time his phone dings so he starts aggressively using do not disturb when he has sponsor deals and meetings and such only then the awareness of the texts he Could be missing from ilya is heightened and so its all he’s thinking about when he’s trying not to think about it and trying not to get hard in public unfortunately only turns him on more and ilya catches on whenever he goes to text shane and sees he’s in dnd mode he’s like oh he must be trying not to get hard right now so then shane will check his phone later and ilya will have texted him like “you were hard at 12:53 PM” and shane is like how the Fuck did you know that ilya is just like shane i told you i’m literally psychic 🙄

Dallas Kent says something homophobic about Shane to the press so next game Ilya cross checks him right in the teeth. He gets fined $5,000.00 and the press asks him about why he pulled such a cheap shot. He replies, “As you said, was cheap. Only cost $5,000.00. I would have done it for 10. Great deal.”

the real sea lion hollander is all better, and she has been released back into the wild!

Marc Marquez saying Alex has to take his recovery slow and not get too excited when he’s out here winning a sprint at a technical track two weeks after his own double surgery

Does anyone care if the boulder is happy does anyone imagine the boulder to be happy? Or is everything about that other guy

For the thought crime of experiencing optimism you have been sentenced to five years of propeller hat and rainbow lollipop

a deeply underrated part of the gay taylor swift conspiracy theories is that if they're right and she really has spent over a decade sending subliminal messages based on minute details for people to decode then she's uuuuuh. I mean she's insane. she's jigsaw. she's the riddler. her dad bought her career because if she didn't have music to distract her she would have started building deathtraps.