WhoStarLocked

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

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AKA HEY TUMBLR WHO WANTS TO DO A BRACKET

so I'm doing this as a fun activity with some friends and I thought HEY TUMBLR LOVES A GOOD POLL

so anyway who wants to do some fun and totally subjective art competition? This is a 16 statue bracket, 8 starting categories and 4 founds. Gonna add all the rounds as reblogs

Round 1

Category 1: National Heroes

The Statue of Unity vs the Genghis Khan Equestrian Statue!

The Statue of Unity in Narmada Valley, Gujarat, India is 182m/597ft tall and depicts Indian politician and independence activist Sardar Patel (1875–1950), who was the first deputy prime minister and home minister of independent India. (It’s actually 240 m (790 ft) if you include the 58 m (190 ft) base and is the tallest statue in the world)

The Genghis Khan equestrian statue in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia memorialises the Mongol emperor. It is 40m/130ft tall (not including the base which is 10m/33 ft tall), it is the tallest equestrian statue in the world. For scale: people, bottom right. Most importantly: like its namesake, it FUCKS!

The Leshan Giant Buddha vs the Ushiku Daibutsu!

The Leshan Giant Buddha in Leshan, Sichuan, China is 71m/233ft tall, and is the largest and tallest stone Buddha in the world! Look at him, he’s so chill. I want his vibe

The Ushiku Daibutsu (Buddha statue of Ushiku temple) is 100m/328.1ft tall, not including the 20m/65.6ft base, and is Japan's largest daibutsu. Still got that chill energy but now with posing!

The Statue of Liberty vs Christ the Redeemer!

The Statue of Liberty (officially Liberty Enlightening the World) is on Liberty Island, NYC, USA, and is 46m/141ft tall on its own or 93m/305ft including the base. She is also the target of every crashing alien spaceship to come to NYC.

Aka that big fuckoff Jesus in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. He is 30m/98ft high, plus the 8m/26ft pedestal, with an arm span of 28m/92ft. He’s 16m shorter than Liberty, and the fact illustrations of them together make him look taller instead of showing that he is comparatively a Short King is a travesty.

Ten Directions Samantabhadra Bodhisattva vs The Angel of the North!

The Ten Directions Samantabhadra Bodhisattva is 48m/157.4ft and sits at Huazang Temple on the Golden Summit of Mount Emei in Sichuan Province, China. It’s not called the Bo-deca-sattva, but I think that would be hilarious.

This tribute to Northern English workers is 20m/66ft tall and has a wingspan of 54m/177ft. The vertical ribs on its body and wings serve to redirect the wind to keep it from toppling over, up to winspeeds of 100mph (160 km/h). Didn't realise angels had so many ribs, I thought it was a million eyes, but you learn something new every day.

Mactan Shrine Lapu-Lapu vs Guerrero Chimalli!

Mactan Shrine's statue of Lapu-Lapu, the indigenous leader who led the resistance that killed Magellan, is 20m/66ft tall in Lapu-Lapu, Philippines. Fuck Magellan, all my homies hate Magellan

The Guerrero Chimalli is a 60m/197ft giant red sculptural statue in Mexico City of an Indigenous shield warrior on Bordo de Xochiaca Avenue, in Chimalhuacán, State of Mexico. Probably the most abstract on this list aside from maybe the Angel of the North

The Apennine Colossus vs the Colossi of Memnon!

The Apennine Colossus in Vaglia, Tuscany, Italy is 11m/36ft high and is a representation of the spirit of the Apennine mountains, and was built in the 1580s. Is this guy why they call that one lichen Old Man’s Beard?

The Colossi of Memnon in Luxor are a pair of stone statues of the Pharaoh Amenhotep III, are 18m/60ft tall, and have stood since 1350BCE. The oldest and most fucked up on this list

Pegasus and Dragon vs the Big Biue Bear!

Pegasus and Dragon in Miami, Florida, USA is 34m/110ft tall, third largest in the US, and also the largest equine and dragon statue. Apparently there are enough of them for that to be a distinct category? wild

Officially "I See What You Mean", this bear in Denver, Colorado, USA is 12m/40ft tall. It is peering into the convention centre and is visible from the entire atrium! I went to primary school with the artist’s kid lol

Mother Ukraine vs Warrior on Horseback!

Mother Ukraine in Kyiv stands 62m/203ft tall, and in 2023 had the communist symbolism on her shield replaced with the tryzub symbol of Ukraine in response to the Russian invasion. Potentially hot take but I honestly think the Tryzub has a much better balance than the Communist symbolism, we love a simplistic beauty

The Warrior on Horseback is a 12m/39ft statue of Alexander the Great in Skopje, North Macedonia. It is on top of a 10m/33ft pedestal and a fountain. The foreign minister told the Guardian it was an "up yours" to Greece (direct quote!) over historical disputes re: Macedonia, and that’s frankly hilarious

Part of socializing and having friends is being a good listener even when you don't actually give a shit about the subject.

Your are hurting other people's feelings when you bluntly respond with "Anyway..." and then change the topic.

It can not always be about your preferred topic.

I think the "antidotes" she names are very in line with what you're talking about here, and this certainly shares ideological ground and roots, though.

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

Sometimes, those photos need to be taken underneath vehicles. This is difficult as underneath a vehicle is very dark, but metal is very reflective, which makes using a flashlight both necessary and an issue.

Now, my favorite manager once said of me, "look at her. she burns if she looks at the forecast for too long" which is the meanest and truest thing ever said about my complexion.

Did I, partially as a joke, try to diffuse the flashlight beam off the underside of my forearm in order to get pictures underneath a truck once? Yes. Did it work? Also yes.

When I explained how I got the photos to my (different) manager, he looked at me and said very tiredly, "that is the saddest thing I've ever heard."

"oh no it's even worse than that," I assured him, and proceeded to remove my watch to show him my tan lines.