⤜living in reverie⤛

First off, hi. I know I apologize all the time for leaving and coming back and maybe it’s old to keep saying, but I’m sorry. Really, I had no intention of disappearing for as long as I did but life popped up and slapped me in the face and sent me reeling, in good ways and in bad. 

I won’t go into a lot of detail, but I still wanted to share some of what happened that kept me off the internet for so long. As most of you know I was in an abusive relationship for roughly 14 years and when that ended five years ago the world sort of stopped turning for me. I’d been with this guy since I was 14 years old and growing up with a relationship like that really fucks you up, let me tell you. I had no idea what to do or, really, who I even was after all that ended. 

I didn’t have anyone in my home state outside of a single friend, and my parents, that I was close to. All my other family and friends had been driven off because of my ex forcing me to pull away, so I was really lonely. My best friend (who, ironically, I met through writing fanfics) lived across the country and because of the time differences and work schedules we didn’t talk much. All I had was the internet, and I poured my whole heart and soul into writing fanfiction. It’d been my escape ever since I was little and it comforted me then when I needed it most. More importantly, the people reading my fics comforted me. The love and support and care you all gave me was what I needed and genuinely what kept me going through some of my darkest days. 

On a whim, my long distance best friend joked about me dropping everything and moving across the country to be closer to her and her husband for more support. I jokingly responded by applying for a single job and told myself if I get it, I’ll move. 

Well, I got it. I moved myself and my cat 1,400 miles to a brand new state and began to start over.

At that same time I’d started talking to my best friends husbands brother (say that three times fast) and we got really close. He lived in another country and that was fine because I told myself I would never fall in love again.

Guess who got married in October? 

Again, I’m as surprised as you all are. But when I tell you I somehow met the embodiment of everything I ever wanted in a life partner, I’m not lying. My husband is my soulmate and my best friend and man, it’s amazing how healing genuine love and care can be. 

Well, that and therapy. 

During these last few years I planned to come back sooner, when things settled down. It’s not easy to immigrate to the US (especially not with how our country is right now…) and jumping through all the hoops we’ve had to to bring my husband here husband been super stressful, and super time consuming. On top of that, my sister-in-law unexpectedly got custody of her niece and nephew, and the court battles to keep them with us in a safe and happy home have also been super stressful and time-consuming.

But now the crazy waves I’ve been writing in my life, have calmed down a bit. My husband’s with me and things with the immigration stuff is steady for now, and my niece and nephew are officially adopted (!!!) which means finally, I’ve had time to focus on bringing more joy back into my own life.

With everything going on, my writing (both my own stories and fanfiction) got put on hold and then just push aside altogether. Though I doubled a bit in the background between the chaos, I couldn’t dedicate the same time and effort I’d been able to previously when I’ve been writing. Turns out, it’s not normal to spend 12 hours writing fanfiction every day and let it consume all of your waking thoughts. Who knew, because I sure didn’t lol. While my terrible mental health meant I could crank out writing chapters daily almost, it also meant a lot of bad things that my therapist has been helping me work through. That’s still ongoing, but I’m figuring out how to balance everything in this new life I’m making for myself.

Long story short, I’m back, but let’s put an asterisk with that. While I’m working on writing my own original story, I can’t ever stop and I won’t stop the love I have for fanfiction. There are some fanfics I’ve started that won’t be finished. There are some that will be given an end, even if it’s not the end I meant it to have. There’s also a lot I do plan to finish, and even have currently been writing. It’s not as fast as it once was, but I guess that’s a good thing. 

I'll be posting on my niche story accounts with more specific updates for them, but wanted to just jump on and say thank you to all the people who messaged and reached out here and on my fics to check in. I didn't want to respond when I wasn't active online, but I'll be taking time to respond to everyone now.

TL;DR: I'm back, I'm sorry, thank you for reaching out and giving me kindness these last few years. Life sucks sometimes, prioritize yourself, and hopefully you'll enjoy the writing I put out into the world, one way or another.

Thank you, I love you all! <3