and i’m always saying this
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Cosimo Galluzzi
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Jules of Nature

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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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Janaina Medeiros

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shark vs the universe

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@wheated-rivalry
and i’m always saying this

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i think ilya could genuinely have lived his entire life with a chronic illness and not realised until he and shane lived together full time and shane was like . baby idk how to tell you this but someone has lied to u it's not normal to get headaches that make u throw up
shane is secretly compiling evidence and sending it to his mom so llya doesn't start hiding shit like a sick cat . migraine nausea pain tired pain migraine migraine . yuna texts back a 👍 and adds it to Her File
Shane and Ilya snuggled up in the plush private recovery room of the expensive surgery center that did Ilya's dental surgery. Ilya is on this recliner and it's only wisdom teeth surgery so his pathetic whines managed to convince Shane to come cuddle on his lap while he comes down from the anesthesia.
Ilya's rambling at Shane and then suddenly is grabbing him going "Shane, Shane, I'm married. Fuck Shane I'm married to the hottest man alive can you believe this?"
And Shane is just charmed by this new tangent of rambling and after awhile he's like "I don't know, have you met my husband? He's kinda the most beautiful man alive 🥰" only to feel Ilya tense up so fast underneath him.
Shane pulls back and Ilya who was so happy and loose is suddenly >:(((( looking at Shane like he betrayed him.
"Who is this man Hollander? Who did you marry without telling me? I will fight this man, he's not worthy of you, divorce him right now!"
goodmorning this is your assigned shane of the day
Ilya having a mental breakdown when his and Shane´s eldest daughter starts dating Arthur PIKE 😭😂 he loves Arthur so much but he is HAYDEN PIKE´S SON he feels BETRAYED

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dude what the fuck your shane just fucking bit me
I'm a firm believer that Cliff Marleau had to be told that Shane Hollander and Montreal Jane were the same person. I am of the belief that when the Fanmail video leaked, Cliff thought "oh, it must not have worked out with Montreal Jane but my boy bagged Shane fucking Hollander, so it's fine." He does think it's a little funny that both of the people Ilya's been seriously involved with are based in Montreal but he still doesn't put it together.
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
Non Hockey Player Ilya hooks up with Hockey Player Shane in Boston. Shane isn’t out so Ilya pretends not to know who he is, even though Shane is Ilya’s favorite player, so he doesn’t worry. They exchange numbers and end up getting together every time Shane comes to Boston. Ilya really likes Shane and thinks Shane is into him too. One day, Shane is getting ready to leave Ilya’s place. He tells Ilya that he won’t be done working until late and if he can come back later to talk (Montreal isn’t flying out until morning). Ilya says of course and kisses Shane before he leaves. “Have a good game.” Ilya freezes. He knows he’s messed up but he can’t take the words back now. He scrambles to explain but Shane pulls him in for another kiss. “I know you know who I am. That’s actually what I wanted to talk about.” Shane explains that he saw the Hollander jersey at the back of Ilya’s closet when he let Shane go in there to get one of his shirts. He asks if Ilya is willing to be with him, in a serious relationship, even though he’s not out. Ilya agrees and the two date in secret until Shane feels comfortable enough to come out. Afterward, Shane reveals his relationship with Ilya and JJ finally understands why Shane vanished every time they were in Boston.
Shane accidentally breaks Ilya’s chain. The two are roughhousing at Shane’s place when Shane reaches up to grab the back of Ilya’s neck. His hand slips, his fingers get caught in the chain and it breaks. The necklace falls onto Shane’s chest and the room falls silent.
“Shit! Rozanov, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-.”
“I know.” Ilya quickly scoops his mother’s necklace and examines it. He sees that the clasp is broken. He looks up to tell Shane about the clasp that’s when he notices Shane’s heavy breathing. Shane’s hands are trembling and there are tears in his eyes. “Hollander, it is okay.”
Shane shakes his head. “No, I’ve ruined it.”
“Hey, it is fine, is just clasp. I broke it before. It is easy fix.” That’s a lie. Ilya has never broken his mother’s chain but Shane is on the verge of a panic attack and he needs to calm him down.
“Really?” Shane questions and Ilya nods. “Let me up.” Ilya moves off of Shane and watches as he goes over to his dresser. He looks through a box before going over to Ilya.
“I got this from a brand deal but I don’t really wear jewelry. You can use this until the chain gets fixed.” Shane offers Ilya the box. He opens it to find a thin gold chain staring back at him. Ilya carefully takes the cross off the broken chain and threads it onto the one Shane gave him. He asks Shane to put it on him and Shane happily obliges.
If Shane notices that Ilya is still wearing the chain he gifted the next time they hook up, he doesn’t mention it.
Some time, probably a long time later, probably when they're already married, Ilya does get his mother's chain repaired and gives it to Shane.
No, Shane still doesn't really wear jewellery, but his wedding ring needs to go somewhere. He can't wear it on his finger while playing, too dangerous (don't google degloving injuries, I warned you!), and he was on the verge of a panic attack at least once when he thought he'd lost it in his locker or wallet or wherever he put it to keep it safe. He doesn't like taking it off anyway. It's not like it's jewellery, it's his goddamn wedding ring.
Ilya might not have had a family heirloom engagement ring to propose with, but that chain's the next best thing. Always close to Shane's heart from that day onward.
They never mention it again.

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Post TLG Shane and Ilya have a huge fight, and Shane goes to the guest bedroom to sleep. He’s lying in bed, wide awake, when the door flies open and Ilya walks in. He silently climbs into bed, back to Shane. Shane turns to look at Ilya’s back but doesn’t say anything. He just gets out of bed with a huff and goes back to their room. If Ilya wants the guest bedroom, he can have it. Shane climbs into their bed and starts to situate himself when Ilya comes into the bedroom and gets into bed. Shane rolls his eyes, hops out of bed and goes to the couch. He’s pulling the blanket around himself when Ilya enters the room and sits on the other end of the couch. He grabs a blanket and puts it on himself.
“What is your problem?” Shane asks. “I gave up our bedroom and the guest room and now you’re here.”
“We sleep in same place no matter what.” Ilya says as he swings his legs into the couch. “So stay or I follow you around home.” His feet touch Shane’s but Shane pulls his legs away from Ilya.
“Fine, goodnight.” Shane curls up on the couch to sleep. He isn’t sure how much time has passed but he can tell Ilya is asleep by his breathing. Shane sits up and just stares at Ilya for a while before carefully getting off the couch. He goes over to Ilya and picks him up, carrying him to the bedroom. “Wha?”
“You can’t sleep on the couch. It’s not good for your back.” Shane explains as he lays Ilya on the bed.
“Do not go to couch.”
“I’m not.” Shane climbs into bed beside Ilya. He presses a kiss to Ilya’s temple. “Goodnight. Love you.”
“If I say sorry, do I get proper kiss and proper I love you.”
Shane kisses Ilya on the lips. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
@itsananalogy wrote an amazing story for this. Check it out!
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
Hollanov teacher au with the added fact that all their students are genuinely obsessed with their dating lives and, once they find out they both like men, are fixated on “Mr.Roz” and “Mr.Hollander” getting together.
(Jokes on everybody, they’ve been together in some capacity since freshman year of undergrad, but they’ve come to appreciate the “shipping refresh” that happens each year with each new class of students)
Shane has always been a big napper. When he was young, school really tired him out. So many different people around him for such an extended period of time, expectations of certain behaviour, having to socialise, having to pay attention, having to answer questions, the constant hum of fluorescent lights overhead. He came home exhausted and in need of a nap more often than not. There were also the panics. Sometimes they were big, sometimes they were small, but they usually left him feeling wrung out and he didn't really function well until he'd had a nap after one. Becoming a professional hockey player hasn't changed this, if anything it's made it a useful skill. A little post-practice nap is sometimes just the thing he needs and a pre-game nap can make all the difference to his play. With the constant travelling and endless timezone changes, napping becomes a necessity.
Ilya, however, never quite got the hang of it. He knows a lot of his teammates nap whenever and wherever, falling asleep before games in hotel rooms or resting up on the road, snores filling the team bus or plane, but Ilya can't quite get there. It's probably a remnant from childhood, from not feeling safe enough to let his guard down like that. He can't even imagine what the reaction would have been if his father had come home to find him asleep on the couch. He was certainly quick enough to accuse him of laziness without Ilya handing over additional ammunition for free.
But Ilya loves holding Shane when he naps. He loves how quickly his body grows lax, loves the gradual shift in the depth of his breaths, loves the warmth of his body pressed against him, loves his sleepy little sounds and scrunched little face when he wakes up, loves that Shane trusts him enough to be that vulnerable around him. Shane doesn't really know that Ilya doesn't nap, not with how often Ilya's the one to suggest one, not with the way Ilya makes sure to feign coming out of sleep as soon as he feels Shane shift in his arms in that particular way that suggests he's waking up. He doesn't want to risk Shane feeling like Ilya's doing him a favour with holding him through his naps, doesn't know whether he can admit how much he loves their naps even though they never include Ilya falling asleep. He likes the way things are. He doesn't want to risk it changing.
Eventually it does change though. Not because Shane discovers Ilya's secret of never actually falling asleep but because, a few years into their marriage, Ilya start... actually falling asleep. He never plans to. He loves getting to spend that time resting with Shane while staying alert enough to catalogue his every sleep-muddled sigh, his every shift. He just feels so warm, so full of love, so incredibly safe that one day he just... drifts off. After that it keeps happening. He has Shane in his arms, he's enjoying his breathing, he's loving this moment, he doesn't want to lose consciousness, he wants to stay in it, but his eyelids are drooping. He lets them shut, just for a minute, but then he wakes up to Shane's smiling face, his eyes soft and sleep-warm, his hands gentle as they cradle Ilya's face and run through his curls, and he can't be mad at himself for having missed out on those precious moments if this is what he gets to wake up to. Time is no longer a limited resource. Safety is no longer conditional on remaining alert. He has the rest of his life to enjoy this, to let himself be lulled to sleep by Shane's breathing and waking up to his soft touches. He can let his eyes drift shut and trust that Shane will still be there when he wakes.
there’s a swedish princess who’s currently sitting alone at wimbledon feeling all sulky and miserable because she was really looking forward to discussing swedish politics with shane hollander

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sleepy shane 😣
Centaurs have a DD (designated driver) AND a DS (Designated Shanehandler) because when Ilya gets drunk he starts encouraging Shane’s antics. They once had to sleep over at Bood’s after a team BBQ because Shane kept telling everyone he was the fastest runner on the team & Ilya started racing him over & over until they both threw up & passed out