One, Big, Feral Family

"I wrote a eulogy for my best friend last week. Then I read it to him. At the pub. On a Tuesday."

He was alive, holding a pint, looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Maybe I have.

I'm Mick. I'm 70. The man across the table was Barry. Seventy-two. Best mate for 46 years. Met on a building site in 1979. He dropped a plank on my foot. I called him something unrepeatable. He bought me a pint after the shift. Haven't gone a week without talking since.

Three months ago we went to a funeral. Bloke we'd worked with. Cancer. The eulogies were beautiful - people saying what he meant to them, things they'd clearly never said to his face. And all I could think was, he can't hear any of this.

Every beautiful sentence. Every "he changed my life." Said to a room of crying people and a box of wood.

I turned to Barry. Whispered, "What a waste."

Drove home. Couldn't sleep. Because I realised, if Barry died tomorrow, I'd stand up and say extraordinary things about this man. Things I've never said in 46 years. And he'd be in the box, missing all of it.

So I wrote them down. Took a week. Harder than expected - not finding the words, but admitting I had them.

Rang him. "Tuesday. The Crown. Need to read you something."

"Have you joined a book club?"

"Just come."

Same corner table. Pint of bitter. Crisps. I pulled out the paper. He saw my hands shake.

"Mick. What's this?"

"Your eulogy. I'm reading it now because I'm not wasting it on a day you can't hear it."

"Have you gone mad?"

"Probably. Shut up and listen."

I read it. In a pub. To a man very much alive and very much uncomfortable.

I told him about the plank and how it was the best injury of my life. About the night he drove forty minutes in rain to help change a tyre. About how he rang every day for three months after my divorce and never once asked "Are you alright?" - just talked about football and weather, because he knew I didn't need a question. I needed a voice.

I told him he was the funniest man I'd ever known and his jokes were terrible and both things were true. That he'd been a better father than he thinks. That his wife's a saint and he knows it. That I'd have been a worse man without him.

He didn't look at me. Stared at his pint. Jaw tight. Doing that thing men do when the feelings arrive and they'd rather swallow glass than show it.

When I finished, long silence. Then he picked up his pint, took a sip, and said,

"You're paying for the next round. And the one after."

That was his answer. Perfect. Because Barry doesn't say "I love you too." He says "you're buying."

But in the car park, he hugged me. Not the quick back-pat. A real one. Thirty seconds. Neither let go first.

And he said quietly into my shoulder, "Don't read that again at the real one. I want new material."

Who would you write a eulogy for - while they're still here?

Don't wait. The flowers can't hear. The box doesn't laugh. Say it now. At the pub. Over a bad cup of tea. You'll feel ridiculous.

They'll look uncomfortable. It'll be the most important thing you've ever done.

Read them the speech while they can still hug you in the car park.”

i fully understand how frustrating it is to be met with a lack of understanding when you've done something bad because of being triggered, or delusional, or splitting, or another alter, or what-have-you. it feels unfair because that's just how your brain works, isn't it ableism/saneism to hold you accountable for being neurodivergent?

GFs (Goth Friends)

this image made me think of your world building project :3

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So today I’ve seen posts on multiple platforms from those living in Latin America saying the news and social media is suddenly discussing therians a lot, in a very negative way.

Something I need y’all to know, based on my experience living as trans for 10 years and being a furry for several as well: DO NOT TALK TO THE MEDIA. You can speak to TRUSTED, preferably independent journalists. Previously center and liberal news media like CNN and the New York Times have taken a steep rightwing shift. Do not go on podcasts, do not talk to tv reporters, etc. It will put you in harms way. You will be taken out of context. They will attack you with premeditated questions to make you look bad, knowing you are not prepared to debate/justify your existence. I repeat,

I am a disabled transgender woman of color, otherkin, pagan clergy member, and civil rights organizer. I have been active in these communities (often in some kind of organizing capacity) since 2005-2010.

I have done numerous TV, radio/podcast, and newspaper interviews. All of them went well because I communicated with more experienced organizers with experience interacting with the media, and because I carefully vetted everyone I spoke to.

A legitimate journalist with good intentions will do research, find community leaders and organizers, and reach out to them directly to request an interview. Which is what happened for every interview I have ever done.

If someone puts out a general call for volunteers, it is almost always because they have bad intentions and they want someone who does not have expertise or experience with the media, whom they can easily make a fool of. No matter who you are or how charismatic or good at speaking you are, it is absolutely impossible to do an interview which cannot be edited to make you look like an idiot. The only way to look good in an interview is if the interviewer wants you to look good. No exceptions.

I have seen it happen numerous times both in the alterhuman community and elsewhere. Not only do people who agree to such interviews always get made a fool of by the media. They also usually get labeled by the community as clout chasing embarrassments who don't have the community's best interests in mind. I won't name names, but those who've been around for a while will be able to think of examples.

The only time it's not a completely terrible idea to agree to an interview is if:

A) The interviewer contacted you specifically because you are a leader/organizer/academic who represents the community.

B) You've done research on the interviewer to find out who they are and what kind of work they've done in the past.

C) This interviewer is a serious journalist who has never done sensationalist media or published an interview with someone who looked silly or incompetent (because if they interviewed someone who looked bad, it is always on purpose. They can make anyone look bad and they can make anyone look good).

D) The interviewer does not work for a media outlet that ever does sensationalist media, or which has any connections to conservative interests (which eliminates all mainstream media outlets).

E) You have spoken to other community leadership who also think you should do the interview.

For what's been happening in Latin America, there have also been multiple news outlets publishing AI-generated videos of "therian attacks"-- there is absolutely no reason to assume that these outlets and others would hesitate to use editing or AI to make you look like a fool at best, or a danger at worst. Do NOT interact with the media unless you are absolutely positive, without a shadow of a doubt, that 1) the journalist you're speaking to is trustworthy, 2) doing so isn't going to put you in danger, and 3) others second that it's a good idea for you to do so.

Public speaking is a skill; do not overestimate your own capabilities! Do not underestimate how negatively a huge public speaking appearance can affect you and your family! I would recommend that 99.99% of all alterhumans avoid ever talking to the media, myself included. It is so easy to fuck up so badly, and the consequences are far-reaching and permanent. Don't do it. Don't let your friends do it. Don't let your family do it.

happy 20 year anniversary of Neil banging out the tunes!

though every rat is special, it's a wonderful and unusual thing for their accomplishments to be remembered and cherished by so many people so many years later. we're all so fortunate to know about the rat who banged out the tunes!

thank you to all the people who sent me reference photos of their beloved rats for this piece!!! credits under the cut!