li t e r a  ll y 

no offense but I’ve never gotten over anything that’s happened to me in my life

no homo. we’re fresh out. we should get a new shipment in on monday

can you check in the back

this is actually super fucking smartass of them

Reblogging as this is so important everyone! My mum had breast cancer and that shit is not nice so please check yourself ladies and gents! 💕💕💕

this also gives them the perfect chance to bring up the risk of breast cancer in men!

You walked up to that house in the rain on purpose

As cat owners we like to joke about how the cat is the one who’s really in charge, but let’s be honest here: my cats think they’re in charge, but they’re also fucking dumbasses. It’s sort of an incompetent-king-and-long-suffering-advisor arrangement, if the king were prone to getting their head stuck in Kleenex boxes.

don’t talk to me or my 47 past due assignments ever again

your parents’ disapproval doesn’t make you a bad person. just so you know.

i know that kind of rejection is incredibly painful, but it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Shes probably committing crimes right now

Who is?

What are you, a cop? piss off

Not to sound like a dr*gon but I do want your gold and I am going to lay on top of it in a pile inside a cave

Why do you censor dragon?

Townsfolk may find it scary

gnome wizard, sitting on a mushroom in the forest: hoohoohoo! *casts a funny little spell and gives me sleep apnea*