Don't Smoke Crayolas

"the baby's kicking!"

Shane clenched his jaw for a second. His ears were starting to turn red but he answered steadily, "I think it just says here or something like that. I'm here."

Ilya nodded quickly, "Yes, that sounds right. One point." Unfortunately the next question was not better. "What. Um. What is my favorite thing about you?"

Shane was visibly blushing now, "I don't fucking know, dude. I pay for dinner."

Ilya laughed, "That's true, he does pay. Point for that, I don't know either." He coughed a little, "Okay um. Next question. What is the most boring thing about me?"

"Your car collection," said Shane instantly. "Easily. Enough about your fucking Bugatti already! I don't care!"

"Minus one billion," said Ilya, outraged. "That is worst thing you could say to me. Minus infinity. Go home Hollander, game is over."

Shane looked into the camera again, "Being super into cars is lame, and sports cars are very ugly." He was grinning a little, his earlier blush still fading and it made Ilya want to kiss him very badly, terrible opinions not withstanding. "Maybe if you collect something that doesn't sound and smell like a fart, I'll be willing to let you talk about it."

Ilya stuck his tongue out at Shane, "I collect championship rings."

"Okay well get a fucking move on because at last count, you only had one." Shane leaned forward to speak into his fake microphone, "I have two, by the way. That's uh. That's more than one."

"Friendship is cancelled. I hate you again," Ilya pretended he was going to get up and storm off, but he couldn't stop smiling at Shane's pleased little expression, his eyes crinkled up with mirth, his cheeks pink. Ilya looked at the camera, "Real most boring thing about me is my new friend Shane Hollander."

"Okay next question. Try to stay focused, Rozanov, maybe you'll win some more cups that way."

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