IT'S BLOODY HOT IN HERE

#repressing trauma all by yourself, handsome?

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Also, VHS tapes did not have menu screens. Your only options were play, fast forward, rewind, pause, stop, or eject.

Records were fragile and often skipped. There was frequent hissing, crackles, and pops. Dropping one might make it shatter, depending on the year of manufacture.

LP records (the big ones; "Long Play") held maybe 12 songs, max, organized as side A and side B. The first track on side A was always the most popular; the band's hit song from the radio usually. Songs on the B side were often considered filler. The quality of the playback decreased slightly the closer the needle got to the center of the record.

45 records (the small ones) held exactly two songs, one on side A and one on side B. If you just wanted that top-40s hit from the radio and didn't care about the rest of the band's music, or only had 99 cents in your pocket, you bought the 45.

LPs spun at a speed of 33-1/3 revolutions per minute. 45s spun faster, at 45 rpm. You could make your LP records sound like chipmunks on crack by playing them at the wrong speed.

Records wore out with frequent play. Audiophiles knew that to preserve a record you let it "rest" after playing, so the grooves could return to their natural state. Continuous playing would ruin it.

Record players had a tonearm with a replaceable needle, usually made from a sliver of diamond. The needle wore out periodically and required replacement. It wasn't too expensive, maybe ten bucks for a standard needle.

Even expensive players with a perfectly clean record and new needle didn't sound perfect, due to wow & flutter (imperfections in the speed of the turntable).

You'd have to walk carefully in the vicinity of a playing record, else you risk your thudding footsteps might cause the player to vibrate and skip. High end systems used thick pads + spring suspensions to isolate this kind of thing.

The only reason cassette tape was acceptable is the advent of Dolby Noise Reduction, a feature that 'fixed' a lot of the inherently noisy background hiss of magnetic tape.

Early CD players skipped if you jolted them. Car players & portables only became possible when they added a small RAM memory buffer to the unit, so it could detect skips and seamlessly retry.

Oooh, of course you can! Let me quickly look up some of my favorite sources...

Thomas de Cantimpré has no less than 3 unicorns covered! That's 3 times the amount of unicorns! From top to bottom, you have the monoceros, the Indian onager, and the unicorn itself.

Albertus Magnus gives us this classic animal, looking somewhat heraldic.

This unicorn from the Ortus Sanitatis, though, is rather contemplative looking. And seems rather goaty too.

The rhinoceros (karkadan) from Middle Eastern manuscripts varies a lot, sometimes clearly a rhino and sometimes more fanciful. This version is from a copy of al-Qazwini.

Jonston covers around 9 different unicorns, some of which are horny in more ways than one! (Trust me. Look them up, I've posted them before). These ones look like standard maned unicorns.

Ambroise Paré had a lot to say about unicorns (and mummies, and the plague, and anything else vaguely related to public health). Here is the pirassoipi, a two-horned unicorn (a bicorn?) from Italy

And you know what? I've been sticking to vintage illustrations but here's Rudolf Freund's spectacular historically-accurate unicorn!

any time someone is in any kind of crisis or upheaval, offer to feed them. tell them they don't have to choose what it is if they can't make decisions, just ask about allergies and preferences and tell them you're just gonna make food happen at their house.

friend having a baby? delivery gift certificate to order food to the hospital after the kid shows up.

someone's relative passes away? offer to make them dinner.

buddy gets laid off? ask if you can order them lunch.

pal stuck in a depressive episode? offer to drive them to fucking mcdonalds, if that's what they want.

people in crisis are tired and sad and angry and the last thing most of them are doing is thinking about feeding themselves. so if you have the ability or time or money, providing that is always, always a good move.