yikes

I am deeply uncomfortable with this man's corner

I need a polite and effective way to say "hey your heart is truly in the right place and your anger is often righteous but I think sometimes you’re getting recreationally mad about things that are frankly not worth the amount of energy you’re spending on them, and every time you do this you're driving yourself slightly more insane with nothing to show for it," and then I need a way to broadcast that message through a loudspeaker to roughly 30,000 people at once, and THEN I need a time machine to send that message to my past self lol. and maybe a second time machine in case past me tries to be clever and sabotage the version of me who comes through the first time machine

#saruman's big artificials vs. gandalf's big naturals

I have had a lot of evil people say to me that nothing taste as good as skinny feels and every time im like no im pretty sure food tastes really super good actually

i think that soy sauce fish and honey bear must be the very very best of friends

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

I'm rooming w a buddy of mine who's Chinese and she started playing some MMO and I was like, what's with the Chinese music and she was like "I just call it music. Just a lil glimpse into how Chinese I am." Which is a funny little response except she is high as fuck and stretched it out to approximately three unbroken minutes because she kept laughing too hard at her own punchline