Where All Ladders Start @shiftofgallifrey - Tumblr Blog

Thinking about doctor who and contorting myself into shapes unknown to science

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themoonandmyman

hello I am at my wits end and I need to know something. Do you talk to your mother every day?

Yes

Remaining time: 5 days 19 hours

No nuance. If you don’t have a mother/are no contact etc this is not a poll for you.

You can elaborate as to how often you feel is a regular amount of communication between an adult child and their mother.

animate-mush

I hope you don't mind if I add a subordinate poll to yours based on the answers I am seeing

Poll: how often do you talk to your mother?

I live with my mother

Every day and I DON'T live with my mother

Multiple times a week but not daily

Weekly

Multiple times a month but not every week

Monthly

Every couple of months

Once or twice a year

Only on special occasions

I don't talk to my mother (but could if I wanted to)

this poll is not for me

Remaining time: 6 days 55 minutes

#even when I live with her I don’t talk to her every day??#just when there’s something to say

konoko

valtsv

recurring dead wife flashback where it becomes increasingly apparent that the person remembering her has dishonestly claimed a romantic dynamic to their relationship that never actually existed and erased any conflict that ever existed between them now that she's no longer able to say no to them

valtsv

dead wife flashback where each time we see her she looks more confused and upset by how she's remembered, then desperate and furious, until she's hammering on the glass screaming to be let out

valtsv

this isn't how it happened. you know this isn't how it happened. but you still keep coming back, keep disturbing my grave so you can play out your fantasies. voyeurs crowding around my autopsy, straining for the best view; pawing through my entrails like grubby butchers trying to find some golden meaning in blood and shit because you can't bear to face the cold light of truth. you just can't bear the thought of never having really known me at all.

shiftofgallifrey

vampire cat who meows pitifully to be allowed to lay in the sun

Every morning it leaves you a mouse drained of blood

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snailifier

snail gets overstimulated

@=:D 🎵🎶🎉

@=:/ 🎶🎶🎵🎉🎉🎵🎶

@=: ... 🎉🎵🎉🎵🎵🎶🎶🎉🎵

@: 🎵🎶🎵🎉🎶🎉🎵🎶🎉🎵🎶🎉

@ 🎵🎶🎶🎵🎶🎵🎵🎉🎶🎵🎶🎉🎶🎵

random-brushstrokes

Leonid Pasternak (Ukrainian, 1862–1945) - The Torments of Creative Work

caressthosecheekbones

oh leonid, we're really in it now

wintersmitth

Leonid, you really understand it.

alexaloraetheris

Save me Leonid, from my empty Word document

elodieunderglass

Leonid what should I do about the emails

letitrainathousandflames

Babe are you okay? you reblogged Leonid Pasternak's Torments of Creative Work again

magiccarpetman

Leonid Pasternak is the best! My favorite of his is The Night Before The Exam (1895).

alexaloraetheris

My man Leonid continues to be relatable

ruhlare

okay but saying “i wish i had known you sooner” — like the love in my heart is growing so big and fast for you that i wish i had the opportunity to have you way earlier by my side, because i want to love you longer than i can do now. my love for you reaches my past and makes a place for you.

ruhlare

natequarter

romana never really seems to have a strong sense of identity. obviously the crux of the problem is the sheer amount of trauma romana ii has been through (mostly because of torture at the the hands of the daleks). i mean, on etra prime she doesn’t even have a name. add on being possessed by pandora and you have a recipe for identity disaster. but i think the same lack of identity applies to romana i as well, in a different sense.

in both lies and the key to time arc, romana places her sense of worth in her intelligence, fixating on that as a core aspect of her identity. the moment that is removed and she is not valued for her academic performance, she no longer has anything to rely on; she’s well out of her depth now. perhaps this is why she regenerated: an effort to get a grasp on herself. (that definitely backfired.)

if you look at reborn, alt!romana i comes off as aimless and very, very bored. here romana has spent her whole life basically doing nothing, and it takes the main universe gang (mainly romana ii and braxiatel) to shake that up, in much the same way the doctor served as that catalyst for main universe romana. (of course, we will never know how that universe played out for alt!romana ii.)

magicofthepen

yes! you can really tell that Romana is searching for something grand to pin her identity to (she’s going to be the top of her class! she’s going to stay in another universe to help people! she’s going to change her planet from within!), and this desperate need to be important-useful-valued leaves her vulnerable. and I totally agree that it isn’t just Etra Prime that’s led to these issues, it’s definitely something that’s been going on longer.

there’s probably something to be said here about Romana being an aristocrat - she’s the heir to an elite family, people have probably always expected grand things of her, and she’s internalized from a young age that idea that she is Important and she has to continue to be Important (which also leaves her with a tendency to be condescending, and a tendency to be oblivious to the challenges of those who haven’t had her advantages in life). her high academic performance and being chosen for the key to time quest only fuel expectation of importance (so does being chosen by Pandora, but she doesn’t remember that) - but then what’s next?

(apologies for continuing to go on about the Fourth Doctor Adventures audios but) I keep thinking about the way that Sartia (Romana’s old classmate) taunts her - there’s this running theme of “you’ll never live up to those expectations!” (Telling her she’ll always be in the Doctor’s shadow, she’ll end up dragged back to Gallifrey and stuck somewhere recording other people’s accomplishments.) and those audios (Skin of the Sleek/The Thief Who Stole Time) are set pretty late in Romana’s tv run - they reference Leisure Hive, so it’s after that at least. so there’s a chilling juxtaposition of Sartia telling Romana you’ll never be your own person, and Romana deciding to stay in E-space because I’ve got to be my own Romana. she’s searching for identity, purpose, because she doesn’t quite have them - this is the Doctor’s life she’s living, but she wants to, needs to forge her own path.

Gallifrey leans into this a lot - in Spirit, Romana talks about how she’s searched for her purpose in so many places. In Forever, when she’s stuck on the alt!Gallifrey, she’s comforted by the fact that she can be “useful” there. (she keeps framing herself in relation to a bigger picture - her individual lives aren’t important, what’s important is how can she be “useful” to something larger that herself.)

(warning: spoilers for Time War 3 + 4) and obviously the later Time War audios really go into the “identity struggles” thing. after she’s exiled from Gallifrey (the place that had become so wound up in her identity and purpose), she’s worn down by self-loathing and guilt until she voluntarily strips herself of her name, marking herself by number, saying she doesn’t want to be herself. and in TW4 she wearily accepts being dragged back to Gallifrey - she says she’s fought for Gallifrey for so long, she doesn’t know how to do anything else. she doesn’t know who she is, if she isn’t pouring everything she has into some grand Purpose or Achievement (in this case, saving Gallifrey). Romana keeps Needing to fixate on a particular Purpose and tie her sense of self to it (be the Best Student, find the key to time, free the Tharils, open Gallifrey to the universe, protect Gallifrey from the war). and if she fails to live up to that purpose, it destabilizes her sense of self. (she’s supposed to be the one who succeeds, achieves big things, is important! if she isn’t doing that, then who is she?) it’s not a healthy model for forming a sense of self at all, but it’s a model she’s clung to from her first incarnation all the way through the time war.

natequarter

romana’s consistent attitude of “i must be useful (+ intelligent) and contribute to society to have value as a person” is so interesting because to me it ties into capitalist values (of “labour = value”), but further than that it ties into the ableist narrative of “if you cannot contribute, you’re worthless”.

obviously part of that attitude is formed simply from being rich + important and the pressure to remain so, but it’s hard for me not to also interpret that as a neurodivergent kid who’s been pressured to perform well academically and once outside of that environment she’s totally lost as to what to do with herself. either she’s perfect (following all the rules, intelligent, important), or she’s nothing (and nobody).

magicofthepen

!!!! this is maybe along the same lines but slightly to the left, but I realized a little while ago that Romana tends to emotionally depend on the Approval of certain friends. (wanting to impress the Doctor/wanting them to view her as an equal, wanting to live up to Brax’s expectations of her, wanting Leela to see her as a good person….) and she tends to spiral emotionally when she fails to get that Approval/live up to those expectations (this is most obvious with Leela). so I feel like there’s something similar going on with how she forms personal connections – a kind of “all or nothing”/“I’m Good Enough (for you to stay) or I’m The Worst (and you will leave me)” emotional reaction. (Narvin is actually the one who doesn’t fit into this pattern - she didn’t want his approval at all when they met, so she never quite developed the same emotional clinginess - “I Need you to like me” - that she has with, say, Leela.)

pillowspace

Sometimes having an OC is like "this character is an outlet for my insecurity and trauma" and sometimes it's like "this character is an outlet for my love of vampires :)". Sometimes it's both

pillowspace

Sometimes you think it's "this character is an outlet for my love and nothing more :)" and then you look it over later like "shit. product of the deepest depths of my soul again"

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eldradmvstlive

Leela, digital painting done in Procreate 💛

valtsv

when you're dissociated enough from yourself any sensation can feel like an intrusion

theelectricdreamsofddx

What a lovely little post you have here! *Drinks up its wordjuice to add it to my lexicon like some form of Vernacula*

theelectricdreamsofddx

*Sinks my teeth into your vocabillaries*

theelectricdreamsofddx

What a lovely little post you have here! *Drinks up its wordjuice to add it to my lexicon like some form of Vernacula*

theelectricdreamsofddx

*Sinks my teeth into your vocabillaries*

theelectricdreamsofddx

What a lovely little post you have here! *Drinks up its wordjuice to add it to my lexicon like some form of Vernacula*

theelectricdreamsofddx

*Sinks my teeth into your vocabillaries*

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

paradoxgavel

autistic folks when their routine gets disrupted, and they don't get alone time when they're supposed to get alone time

patrexi

i’m still on hiatus and this is super rushed, but i absolutely NEEDED to get a drawing out of my system

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