Briar

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

- riding his bike

- going shopping

- bird watching

- going to the zoo

- taking Simon to a restaurant he loves (could be for a date or platonically)

- watching his students grow up and graduate.

- going to the cinema and eating popcorn

- tasting fresh fruit and veg.

- his clothes not having a scent

- the sound of pigeons cooing and birds tweeting in the morning when he first wakes up.

- getting to watch any new media from Earth past the point he left Earth.

- listening to new songs

- going on a road trip.

- experiencing a museum.

- a Wedding

- enjoying a new book.

- going to a library and picking out a book to borrow.

- seeing what his students got during a scholastic school fair.

Can I ask about your ideas on the biker! Simon au? That one seems a but interesting 👀

Omg you’re so sweet! I have been informed that I’ve made over 30 different AU’s for Bloodymary and it’s a record for me! 😭

Biker! Simon! My beloved. 😩

Simon has a motorcycle and he used to be a part of a motorcycle gang growing up but now he is part of a different one that does good for the community.

They sometimes go to schools and volunteer and some parents are wary as anything of them because bikers do get a bad reputation but when the parents see Ryland Grace, the most happiest and smartest science teacher that all the kids adore happily chatting away with Simon they start to relax a bit.

That’s how they meet! Simon hears Grace has a bike too but he thinks Grace also rides a motorcycle and thinks “damn. If this teacher couldn’t get any hotter” and says to him they should go on a bike ride together. Grace thinks Simon means he also has a pedal bike like him and agrees.

Needless to say, the day they meet up, they spend a good amount of time laughing their ass’s off at how stupid they were. Thats also the day Grace rides a motorcycle and he is absolutely terrified in the beginning and clinging to Simon like his life depends on it.

Grace jokes that this would be more of his brother’s thing as his brother, Colt, is a stuntman. He does send Colt a selfie with him and the bike and Simon in the background with the message jokingly saying “check out my new ride!”

"Si? Where'd you go?"

"Sorry angel, I'll be right there!"

*Simon turns back to the camera with a glare*

"This is NOT over"

The Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands is a micronation near Australia.  This is their flag:

The Gay Kingdom (as it is colloquially known) was founded in 2004 in protest against Australia’s legal stance against same-sex marriage.

Here are some of their stamps:

They are currently ruled by Emperor Dale I, and their currency is the Pink Dollar.

they have a declaration of independence that talks a bit about gay rights and then just flat out copies the “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” part from the american declaration of independence. and here’s the best part: the founding group actually elected their emperor. he was originally going to be called the “administrator” of a republic. their website, however, says that “upon legal advice, his title was changed to that of Sovereign on the grounds that under Australian law a defacto prince trying to claim his crown cannot be charged with treason”. so they made it a kingdom and he now claims to be a descendent of edward ii.

everything about this is glorious and everyone should know about it.

"How did I find out about Bloodymary"

Look I see all of that shit.

I see everything.

Just 'cause I don't comment on it doesn't mean I don't see everything.

Why do you think I know?

You think you're hiding?

You're not!

You're doing it out in the open!

All of that shit!

I've seen everything!

I've seen all of it!

Every dirty little secret that you think you're posting publicly is being posted publicly.

You're not even trying to hide it!