i could smell your boytoy coming from down the road. Wretched little rotted morsel of a thing, may he fall to time and become carrion

going to a restaurant solo is so funny because you feel deeply evil for taking up a four-top all for yourself. but there usually simply aren’t any smaller table options #beingevil #onatuesday #lunch

i love weirdos

sometimes i hear about other people's problems and they're so pleasingly narratively constructed that i have to make a real effort not to say something in praise of the problem

this is true of my own problems as well sometimes things happen to me and it's like. well this sucks but i can't deny that if i was a fictional character i would be compelled by this series of events

god ur so fucking weird *makes out with u*

we have to stop letting men comment on women’s bodies period. we should be hitting them with rocks over this

does anyone even ever feel good or did they make that up

unfortunately divas you have to let people love you

a lot of people don’t get this but if you don’t say every deranged thing that’s on your mind at all times the thoughts leak into the groundwater and make it bad. Do your part. Just say some shit

sundays rule number 1: DON'T THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE