Holy shit this is now my most notes post. I just wanna thank everyone in the notes who is validating and sharing the same opinions about how non binary people are treated as 2012 me who thought he was the only one who felt this way.
I wish I could respond to everyone but I have to work with so many plants today and that's my priority rn.
But I'm just popping in to add something in the wake of more posts I've seen on my dash.
I really cannot emphasize enough that calling Gerard, a person who is label free, "she/her/baby girl/girlboss" for the act of being effeminate and wearing dresses and heels without clear and explicit consent from the performer is an act of exorsexism.
And actually It doesn't even really matter if G came out and said "I don't mind this, meh" because the problem is bigger than this specific instance. The problem is you seeing a dress and thinking "baby girl". the problem is you erasing a genderless person's identity as soon as they wear what you consider to be gendered clothing.
It's hard to deconstruct gender but you need to try harder if you actually care about non binary people
What makes me want to say this is seeing a post responding to posts like mine about misgendering Gerard with "y'all clearly don't get drag culture"
For the record. I am a 33 year old two spirit and I've worked in a gay bar and in LGBT orgs. I'm not a baby gay, I'm not a young fan. I've Seen MCR 4 times and I lived during the hay day of ignoring Non binary people. I'm not some kid. I worked among drag queens and you are talking out of your ass.
It disgusts me deeply to hear someone using the same exact excuse to call G "she/her" that cis men used to misgender me and other non-binary folk.
You don't realize it but calling that "drag culture" is basically like saying "if you wear feminine clothing you are asking to be misgendered if you don't use she/her" and that's really not drag culture.
I know some white upper class cis gay men have made a toxic form of drag culture and maybe it falls in line with THAT drag culture, but it doesn't fall in line with respectful and inclusive drag culture.
Pronoun assumption based on appearance is a no no. It has been for a long time. I know it's a no no because old gays apologize when they accidentally do it to me, a person with a mixed gender expression.
The thing is, generally drag culture is- sure, that he is she when the wig is on(or dress whatever), but that's something the performer has already made clear. If you don't know a persons pronouns in a queer space, you ask. Period. You ask because you don't tie gender to the clothing. I know drag queens that prefered he/him or they/them or it/it's EXCLUSIVELY even when in full make up and heels.
The costume can have pronouns, but that's up to the person wearing it to mark those boundaries.