Neil: flight

Andrew:fight

Kevin: freeze

Jean: fawn

being in the shower: there is no past and there is no future, there is just the here and now, i am alone but i am not lonely, i am calm and one with the universe, existence is sublime

To answer normally. Speak normally. Smile normally. Continue conversations normally. All while your mind feels unbearably loud underneath it all.

And after a while, there can be this desperate feeling of wanting someone to finally see it. Not because you want to be dramatic or difficult, but because trying to explain intense emotional pain calmly over and over again while nobody fully understands starts becoming exhausting in its own way.

Sometimes you start thinking, “would people only realize how bad it is if I completely fell apart in front of them?”

And then immediately comes the guilt for even thinking that.

The shame.

The “am I just attention seeking?” thoughts.

But honestly, I think a lot of people only call themselves attention seeking when what they actually mean is:

“I want someone to notice I am struggling without me having to reach a breaking point first.”

And that is such a deeply human thing to want.

Human beings are not meant to carry emotional pain completely alone and silently forever. Wanting comfort does not make you manipulative. Wanting to be understood does not make you selfish.

Sometimes it just means you have been holding too much inside for too long.

And if you relate to this, I really hope you know your pain does not need to become catastrophic before it deserves care.

You do not have to prove how badly you are hurting in the most visible way possible before you are allowed softness and support.

You are already deserving of gentleness while you are still holding yourself together.

You are already worthy of someone listening before things become unbearable.