my life is a wonderful shitshow

Like I feel insane at how often I have to screenshot my OWN POST, HIGHLIGHT THE RELEVANT SENTENCE, and reblog while going "Read this again but slowly." Why the fuck are you commenting if you're gonna be like "Okay so admittedly, did not read this." Do what every adult does on this site and like the post while lying to yourself that you'll return to it to read it more carefully later and then forget it exists

on your what

DJ dubcon hopes everyone in the club is having a good time tonight but he’s not going to check

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

#STOP SAYING 'PLATONIC' WHEN YOU MEAN 'CASUAL'#RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE PLATONIC AND ABSOLUTELY DERANGED

every time a female character gets called the mom friend i shoot another hostage

I’m just an easy mark for dumb pilot humor. Today the captain was like “we’re now at altitude, feel free to move around, my one rule is you must stay inside the plane” and I lost it. It’s funny because you would die a horrible death akin to standing unencumbered on Pluto

chronically alienated 14 year old 4chan poster who typed out "Was nixon /ourguy/?" on a beautiful summer afternoon in july of 2013, the sky searingly bright & free of clouds - he felt like he could look up, & see forever, stretching beyond the horizon & into infinity, before looping back around into itself again. his father and mother were both away. alone in his room on the second floor, and from his window he could hear the cicadas in the garden. his fingers tremble slightly as he finds himself having to build up the courage to press enter. he's not sure why. it should be easy. this should be easy to do. it didn't used to be this hard. he needs it to be like it used to be

START USING CONQUERING GOD-EMPRESS LANGUAGE: INSTEAD OF "I cleaned my apartment" SAY "I CLEANSED MY FORTRESS OF WEAKNESS AND IMPURITY" INSTEAD OF "My feet hurt from standing all day" SAY "WHY AREN'T YOU MASSAGING MY FEET" INSTEAD OF "I had pasta tonight" SAY "I INDULGED IN THE BOUNTY OF THE FIELDS"

im like if someones deadbeat loser unemployed boyfriend was a girl with a job

#Shit I say this stuff all the time#Default is not male#Women are not a different species from men#It’s a toaster it’s make believe it can be whatever you fucking want it to be#Also voice actors get cast in the ‘wrong’ gender roles all the time#Do you know how many little boy characters are played by women#Do you know how many little boy characters are played by *Tara Strong*???#I did not watch an anime in which an adult man is played by a woman VA for 90 fucking episodes in the 90s#To have to suffer the stringent gender opinions of men who feel too threatened by the idea that a woman could be their equal

"you can jack off you can eat grapes all else banned" is kind of the post of the summer because literally wtf else are you supposed to do once it’s 30°C outside