Cowbell Ghoul Will Rise Again

btw. in case anyone wanted to see it. a screenshot of the content guidelines. which you have to confirm you have read before being able to post a fic on FFN

live link [here], wayback machine version [here]

FictionRatings.com seems to be down, but here's a version from the wayback machine [link here] and here's a transcription of the rating system:

[K] - CONTENT SUITABLE FOR MOST AGES - Intended for general audience 5 years and older. Content should be free of any coarse language, violence, and adult themes. [K+] - SOME CONTENT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN - Suitable for more mature childen, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes. [T] - CONTAINS CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes. [M] - CONTAINS CONTENT SUITABLE FOR MATURE TEENS AND OLDER - Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language.

Fiction M can contain adult language, themes and suggestions. Detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature is considered Fiction MA. [MA] - CONTAINS EXPLICIT CONTENT FOR MATURE ADULTS ONLY - Content is only suitable for mature adults. May contain explicit language and adult themes.

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and of course at the bottom of guidelines:

-> non-stories, okay, reasonable -> one or two liners, okay, fair, -> MST? fair, i guess, esp since this was used so often to flame bad works, but the uncertainty of your brilliant "the les mis characters react to the les mis movie" fic being legal or not... -> "Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters" no rpf……… ->"choose your own adventure" at least sites existed for that back then, very easy to make, not so easy now, but still.... -> "second person/you based" NOW HANG ON. are you outlawing the use of second person ENTIRELY!? -> "chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries" NO CHATFIC???????? how the hell did the homestucks survive……

obviously i'm sure these restrictions were what people used livejournal and wattpad for, but i spent my 2009 through 2017 using FFN, so i'm most familiar with it.

thank fucking god, for ao3, who doesn't give a shit if you write chatfic, or fic in second person, or rpf, of fic of anne rice's work. could you IMAGINE getting banned from a website for writing a fic that consists of your characters texting each other??? that's insane to me.

and before i get off my soapbox, let me higlight something i haven't screenshotted yet. the FFN community guidelines.

1-2 are fair enough, but weird hard-and-fast community rules, imo. did they really ban users for typos and bad grammar? i'm not entirely comfortable with it being on the same page as the "failure to comply with site rules will result in the removal of stories and/or suspension of account". imagine policing whether or not someone can post a fic because...... they have typos. imagine REQUIRING you to proofread/beta your work just to post it. imagine caring about the QUALITY of the fic to determine whether or not it should be archived.

3-4 are reasonable warnings about interacting with other users. reviewers please be kind to authors. authors, please be kind to reviewers. but also. they open with "don't get mad if people complain about your fic!" and not "please be respectful when leaving constructive criticism on someone else's work" ???? on one hand these are useful lessons about interacting with people you might not like, on the other hand, you're really opening on "authors you MUST respect reviewers who complain on your work, because if their criticism is ""rightful"" then they are just trying to help you improve!" .... eesh,

5 "use proper textual formatting" YOU'LL BAN SOMEONE OVER THAT???

there's just this weird high and mighty tone to it. this laying out of rules of what is Worthy of being preserved, and posted

which is why AO3 went "no, ALL FANWORK is valuable enough to archive" and it's why AO3's founders went "we're making our OWN SPACE!!!!!!!!" and thank. fucking god. for that.

Hedgehog-shaped jar, Neolithic period (3500-3000 BCE)