UP and OUT

With my birthday soon, thinkin about the passage of time.

✨ tiny ✨

surprisingly cute moment passing by a neighborhood auntie I'd never seen before 🎶🫶✨

This was back when I I used to dress slightly more masculinely (if you can call a button-up shirt paired with skin-tight jeans and heeled booties masculine lol).

I deleted a recent comic, something I basically never do. It was one about feeling grief over my own lack of fertility.

With my diary comics I often allow myself to hold space for nuanced personal feelings regarding my body and transition that I don't see discussed much. These subjects can be sensitive and generally much easier for me to put in a book collection rather than share piecemeal online, as with the former I'm not immediately confronted with people I don't know having Opinions on my recent feelings and experiences.

I'm usually much more collected about it, as I really enjoy providing a springboard for the trans community to discuss their lives and experiences, but this one was a bit too personal I suppose.

I received a deluge of comments and DMs across social media about how I need to keep in mind that other forms of motherhood are just as valid, as if I've somehow lived my life up until this point unaware of that fact. As if that erases the sadness I feel. Or how maybe one day trans women will be able to have uterus transplants, as if that somehow makes it ok.

It felt like the equivalent of going up to someone who's grieving over the recent passing of a loved one and instead of just listening/allowing them to simply express their grief, trying to fix it out of discomfort: "Just a reminder, you can still love and get close to other people." etc etc

I dunno. Maybe this is an unnecessary statement. I think it's easy for people to forget their comments have an impact. Either way, this one hurt too much to keep online. Maybe it'll end up in a book one day.

i'd been shying away from dressing femininely due to dysphoria and fears of getting it Wrong for the last few years

slowlyyyyy been working my way back towards it again 😌🌸

don't have a decent pic on hand so here's a clip of the dress from that day I was trying it on ✨