The inherent tension between "no one post can capture every facet of the human experience, and you need to learn to ignore stuff that doesn't apply to you," on the one hand, and "some people's existence is forgotten or disregarded constantly, and it's legit to be mad when you see a statement claiming universality that does not and cannot apply to you, especially when this happens many times per day every single day," on the other hand.
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im srry if this sounds bad or rude or anything i dont want it to come off like that but like the thing u reblogged about censoring subtitles being ableist, how is it ableist if u dont mind me asking? like im disabled myself and obviously theres lots of different ways someone could be disabled but i dont understand how subtitles being censored has anything to do with that. srry if this sounds like im trying to be argumentative or anything i get told that a lot. ;p
if the audio says “fuck” then the subtitle should also say “fuck”
censoring subtitles but not the audio means the experience for disabled people has been forcibly sanitised and that plays into the idea that disabled people need to be treated like children and can’t be exposed to such naughty things as swear words. also it makes the captions inaccurate and that’s always bad
Chapters: 12/?
Fandom: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Eric “Bitty” Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Characters: Eric “Bitty” Bittle, Jack Zimmermann, Shitty Knight (Check Please!), Larissa “Lardo” Duan, Bob Zimmermann, Alicia Zimmermann, Chris “Chowder” Chow, Alexei “Tater” Mashkov, Original Characters, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Meeting, Divorce, Parenthood, Past Infidelity (by other partners), Starting Over, Friends to Lovers, Some angst, Post-Breakup Bad Decisions
Chapter 12
“Except we’re obviously here together,” Jack said.
“Are we, though?” Eric asked. “Obvious?”
They’d arrived together, standing close enough to be obviously something, but they still weren’t officially out as a couple to most people in the school community—the exception being the Chows. “I’m sure they’ll catch on soon enough. Like when we sit next to each other at dinner.”
“If not sooner,” Eric mumbled, tilting his head in the direction of a woman who was approaching them at the approximate pace of an Olympic power walker. That she was doing so in heels and a full-length gown was even more impressive.
“Eric,” she said with a toothy smile. “I’m so glad you made it.”
“Oh, you know I never miss an auction, Jiji,” Eric said. His own smile was wide but a degree or two off of his real smile, tight in a way Jack recognized as not-quite-genuine, a holding back of part of himself. “Jack, this is Jiji Wu. She’s one of our fabulous auction co-chairs. Jiji, this is my friend, Jack Zimmermann. As you know, he was responsible for donating the Falconers Fan Package.”
“Boyfriend,” Jack corrected, because why not?
Jiji’s right eyebrow rose almost imperceptibly. She looked from Eric to Jack and back. “I didn’t realize you were dating again.”
Please put on your N95s. The same ones used for covid will filter particulate pollution. I lived in a city with yearly winter pollution levels like this. If you can pay for it, you might as well get an indoor air filter to sleep in.
If you can't afford a proper air purifier or can't find one in stock, these are sometimes cheaper to build:
Make sure you get the best rated furnace filters you can. If getting all those is too expensive, even one of those furnace filters taped tightly to a box fan (to force the air through the filters so it doesn't come in through the cracks) can help pretty substantially in a small room.
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so many ways to do the ages in hamlet also. like especially if hamlet is in his 30s or something having claudius be Not That Much Older Than Him is a crazy and feasible choice that makes the dynamics so much more bloodthirsty imo. because why the hell does that guy have any authority in MY court why the hell is he telling ME what to do why is my mother with THAT man. the footing is a lot more equal and it’s so much more of a blow when claudius tells him how to behave
also adds a dimension to the disgust hamlet has toward gertrude if it’s like “you betrayed my father” + “maybe you never loved him anyway” + “maybe you never loved me either” + “that guy is young enough to be your son”
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If anyone is ever training you to replace them in a position and tells you 'its an easy job I don't do much' what this means is that you are about to spend six months to a year catching up on all the stuff they didn't do and sorting out the stuff they did poorly.
In related news I finally managed to finish un fucking my predecessor's lack of a filing system.
So it's national Recreational Explosives, Hand Loss and Wildfire day, and unlike 2023, there is nary a drop of rain in sight.
Despite being slapped upside the head by God, my put technically inclined neighbor has acquired TWO pallets of fireworks this year.
The state is of no help: my city police department has made it pretty clear they don't intend to respond to any fireworks calls this weekend. I've sent the pictures I took to the county tipline and received and automated email reply saying that it will take several weeks to process my case. Perhaps he will get jail time later, but this does not actually you know. Stop him from setting the neighborhood ablaze. Going up to his door the week prior and very politely asking him to move- not cancel, just relocate - his celebrations was met with calling me a "nosy bitch" and "I'll set one off in your ass!".
Sometimes God needs us to make our own miracles.
My miracle comes with several layers, and plenty of opportunities to back down without losing face. We'll see how many are needed.
The first wave has already been deployed: a psyop directed at the Visiting Mother In Law of the miscreant.
I got up at 8:30 AM this morning to make sure I'd be in the front yard of my house, casually doing yardwork with Herschel. His participation was essential.
For those of you who are new here, Herschel is the world's most charming Cardigan Welsh Crime Tube, who thinks everyone in the world is his best friend and that people come to the house to see him specifically. So at 9:04 AM when the visiting mother-in-law appeared around the corner on her daily power-walk around the block, Herschel employed his natural Corgi instinct to make friends with everyone and cheerfully tossed himself on the sidewalk in front of her, belly up for expected tummy rubs.
"OH AREN'T YOU DARLING!!" My target coos, kneeling down to pat him while he makes him like snuffling noises of glee. She is at least 70. I think her bright pink leg warmers and terrycloth headband might be original from her jazzercise days.
"I'm so sorry! Herschel you're going to trip people doing that!" I apologize, going up to greet the woman. "I'm [REDACTED], I don't think we've met..?"
"No, I'm just visiting my daughter and her family- my name is Barbara. And who is this?" She asks Herschel, whose whole back end is waggling with glee.
"This is my service dog Herschel." I explain while he rolls around on the pavement. "I just wanted him to get some time outside before the pyrotechnics start."
"Oh. Yes." Barbra grumbles and I know I've got her. "My son-in-law is planning something extravagant." She says with such disdain it practically comes out of her nose. This is a woman who loves her daughter and dearly wishes she married someone, anyone else.
"Yeah, he got rained out and sick the last two years, so I think he's compensating." I agree.
"Oh he's definitely overcompensating!" Barbra spits, then shakes her whole body like a dog. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't complain. You said he's a service dog?"
I go for it.
"Yeah! I have... Neurological problems." I say and that is technically true. "I've um. Lost a lot of things, like a sense of time, or appetite, and his job is to remind me to eat or take my meds or alerts that I'm having an episode. My personal dog-tor!" I say, patting his adorable little head, and he leans on me, equally adoring.
"Oh, is that why-?" Barbra starts to ask, gesturing at the top of her head, but stops herself.
I hadn't planned this, but yesterday I'd shaved my head to deal with the heat and now only have a quarter inch of hair, which doesn't really hide the scars from when I got run over by a minivan. They're bright red with the heat and exertion of yard work.
I decide I'm okay with lying to a stranger to prevent my house from being set ablaze.
I sort of... Crumple to the ground and drop the rake I was holding, and Herschel immediately climbs into my lap to comfort me as I start to cry.
"Oh my God." Says Barbra.
"I'm sorry!" I gasp, tears streaming down my face. I've been stressed and this is honestly very cathartic. "I'm sorry to dump on you, I'm just so scared-!"
"Oh my God. It's bad." Barbra realizes.
"D- do you know what-" a pause as Herschel tries to manually clear my nostrils like a good service dog. "-oh, Herschel... It's - do you know what an astrocytoma* is?"
*An astrocytoma is a type of brain tumor.
Barbra turns white and sits down next to me. "I'm so sorry... I- one of my friends from church had one, it was agony but she's alright now!" She tries to reassure me.
"It hurts! Everything hurts all the time!" I sob. "And- and I'm scared, so he's scared and I feel bad for hi which just makes it worse and then there's the-" I gesture at the sky. "I have surgery in a month to remove as much of it as they can and do biopsies to see if I need radiation too but..."
"-but all that noise must be Hell on you and your doggy." Barbra nods.
"It'd be fine if he went down to the lake of something but, that house's driveway is like, a hundred feet from my bedroom, I can't sleep and it TERRIFIES Herschel..." I whimper pathetically.
"Well. I may be able to do something about that." Barbra decides.
"Oh no, I don't want to intrude!" I mock-protest.
"No, we're the ones intruding dear. I'll have words with him." She growls. I get the impression she's been waiting for an excuse To Have Words With Him.
"Th-thank you. Um. It's getting hot and I'm a mess, we should probably go inside..." I mutter and Barbra very kindly helps me and Herschel to the front door and tells me she'll be by later with watermelon as we wave goodbye.
From the porch, I watch her furiously power-walk back to her daughter's house, wrench open the front door, and issue a battle cry of "HEN-RY!!!" before it slams behind her.
Now I realize that this may not have been the most honest or ethical thing to do, but I figured it's more polite and ethical than the next step, which is chemical warfare, courtesy of Bath & Body Works :)
Well, they Psyop seems to have worked! That cul-de-sac, and indeed my entire block is perfectly quiet tonight!
Unfortunately I cannot say the same of the surrounding neighborhood, so it has been necessary to deploy The Stench.
The Stench is a mixture of Odoriferous chemicals meant to be discreetly poured over a surface (preferably something hot, like a sidewalk or fence in direct sunlight) to render an area temporarily uninhabitable, Similar to spraying coyote pee on your garden to discourage the rabbits. I can't give you a full recipe because I forgot to take notes, but elements include:
Spoiled beef broth, which is both rancid and unexpectedly sour (boiled to kill bacteria)
Expired milk, the most retch-inducing ingredient for me.
Several bottles of Liquid Ass
Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce
Concentrated Dog Urine
and FOUR bottles of Bath & Body Work's Cucumber Melon, which smells light and fruity when used as a light body spray, but in concentration smells like an entire fruit cart left to rot, possibly along with the carcass of the fruitseller.
The resulting solution smells like raw sewage, a fraternity dorm fridge when the power's been out for a week, and a roadkilled skunk. It's impressively vile. Herschel wanted to roll in it so bad.
I've spent the last few hours strolling the surrounding neighborhoods until I found the source of the mortars and flying explosives that are the real hazards, ingratiating myself into the parties, and discreetly dousing the lawns and fences nearby until someone goes "OH GOD!" and gags, and the party breaks up shortly thereafter. I returned home because I ran out of The Stench, despite hiding five 2L soda bottles of it in a backpack.
I will call it a success though, because while I can hear fireworks, they're all at least a mile away from me. In total:
Fire Hazard Parties derailed: 13
Screaming: 10
Crying: 13
Vomiting: 4
Fight blaming each other for causing The Stench: 5
Called the city to complain about The Stench, on the assumption it was a sewage issue, and then waited right next to their pile of illegal fireworks, for the fire department to show up: 2.
Guy who claimed to be enjoying the smell: 1
Party was partially derailed by The Stench, and partly by the fact they actually did start a fire: 1 (every human was alright, the pyro's roof, not as much)
Stray dogs caught and returned home: 2
So next year: MORE STENCH.
Until then, I have a corgi zooted on trazadone on my feet, and we bid you goodnight.
(If you would like to support a disabled storyteller and/or fund more stench research, you can donate to my Ko-fi or pre-order my Family Lore book on Patreon)
One thing about the Euros is that the English still haven’t quite adjusted to the Queen dying so during the national anthem they keep singing “God Save The Quing” like there’s a non-binary monarch on the throne.
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Links to my free sewing patterns!
- big manta ray
- smaller manta ray
- monster friend (those monsters with horns I’ve been making lately, but without horns)
- pie slice
- Fred, the Fish of Minimal Effort
- tiny cat (aka Jiji)
- mini mothman
- whale shark/donut whale shark
- juggling frog/toad (aka my smallest, simplest frog pattern of the three I’ve made)
- large frog
- tiny hedgehog
- minecraft bee
- minecraft zombie
- blorbo
- Strawberry Hearts quilt pattern
- starfish
- little octopus
- canvas tote (wider than it is tall)
- canvas tote (taller than it is wide, more of a grocery bag)
- basic bat and ghost
- mini mushroom friends
- whale
- hammerhead shark
- simple seal
Tutorials:
- flannel baby blanket tutorial
- onigiri bag tutorial
- tomato pattern design walkthrough (how I design the pattern, not a link to the pattern itself)
Free pattern post, now updated with a link to the seal pattern! If it’s been a while since this reblog when you read this, it’s worth clicking through to the original post, I will update it whenever I share a new sewing pattern
