The inherent tension between "no one post can capture every facet of the human experience, and you need to learn to ignore stuff that doesn't apply to you," on the one hand, and "some people's existence is forgotten or disregarded constantly, and it's legit to be mad when you see a statement claiming universality that does not and cannot apply to you, especially when this happens many times per day every single day," on the other hand.
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So it's national Recreational Explosives, Hand Loss and Wildfire day, and unlike 2023, there is nary a drop of rain in sight.
Despite being slapped upside the head by God, my put technically inclined neighbor has acquired TWO pallets of fireworks this year.
The state is of no help: my city police department has made it pretty clear they don't intend to respond to any fireworks calls this weekend. I've sent the pictures I took to the county tipline and received and automated email reply saying that it will take several weeks to process my case. Perhaps he will get jail time later, but this does not actually you know. Stop him from setting the neighborhood ablaze. Going up to his door the week prior and very politely asking him to move- not cancel, just relocate - his celebrations was met with calling me a "nosy bitch" and "I'll set one off in your ass!".
Sometimes God needs us to make our own miracles.
My miracle comes with several layers, and plenty of opportunities to back down without losing face. We'll see how many are needed.
The first wave has already been deployed: a psyop directed at the Visiting Mother In Law of the miscreant.
I got up at 8:30 AM this morning to make sure I'd be in the front yard of my house, casually doing yardwork with Herschel. His participation was essential.
For those of you who are new here, Herschel is the world's most charming Cardigan Welsh Crime Tube, who thinks everyone in the world is his best friend and that people come to the house to see him specifically. So at 9:04 AM when the visiting mother-in-law appeared around the corner on her daily power-walk around the block, Herschel employed his natural Corgi instinct to make friends with everyone and cheerfully tossed himself on the sidewalk in front of her, belly up for expected tummy rubs.
"OH AREN'T YOU DARLING!!" My target coos, kneeling down to pat him while he makes him like snuffling noises of glee. She is at least 70. I think her bright pink leg warmers and terrycloth headband might be original from her jazzercise days.
"I'm so sorry! Herschel you're going to trip people doing that!" I apologize, going up to greet the woman. "I'm [REDACTED], I don't think we've met..?"
"No, I'm just visiting my daughter and her family- my name is Barbara. And who is this?" She asks Herschel, whose whole back end is waggling with glee.
"This is my service dog Herschel." I explain while he rolls around on the pavement. "I just wanted him to get some time outside before the pyrotechnics start."
"Oh. Yes." Barbra grumbles and I know I've got her. "My son-in-law is planning something extravagant." She says with such disdain it practically comes out of her nose. This is a woman who loves her daughter and dearly wishes she married someone, anyone else.
"Yeah, he got rained out and sick the last two years, so I think he's compensating." I agree.
"Oh he's definitely overcompensating!" Barbra spits, then shakes her whole body like a dog. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't complain. You said he's a service dog?"
I go for it.
"Yeah! I have... Neurological problems." I say and that is technically true. "I've um. Lost a lot of things, like a sense of time, or appetite, and his job is to remind me to eat or take my meds or alerts that I'm having an episode. My personal dog-tor!" I say, patting his adorable little head, and he leans on me, equally adoring.
"Oh, is that why-?" Barbra starts to ask, gesturing at the top of her head, but stops herself.
I hadn't planned this, but yesterday I'd shaved my head to deal with the heat and now only have a quarter inch of hair, which doesn't really hide the scars from when I got run over by a minivan. They're bright red with the heat and exertion of yard work.
I decide I'm okay with lying to a stranger to prevent my house from being set ablaze.
I sort of... Crumple to the ground and drop the rake I was holding, and Herschel immediately climbs into my lap to comfort me as I start to cry.
"Oh my God." Says Barbra.
"I'm sorry!" I gasp, tears streaming down my face. I've been stressed and this is honestly very cathartic. "I'm sorry to dump on you, I'm just so scared-!"
"Oh my God. It's bad." Barbra realizes.
"D- do you know what-" a pause as Herschel tries to manually clear my nostrils like a good service dog. "-oh, Herschel... It's - do you know what an astrocytoma* is?"
*An astrocytoma is a type of brain tumor.
Barbra turns white and sits down next to me. "I'm so sorry... I- one of my friends from church had one, it was agony but she's alright now!" She tries to reassure me.
"It hurts! Everything hurts all the time!" I sob. "And- and I'm scared, so he's scared and I feel bad for hi which just makes it worse and then there's the-" I gesture at the sky. "I have surgery in a month to remove as much of it as they can and do biopsies to see if I need radiation too but..."
"-but all that noise must be Hell on you and your doggy." Barbra nods.
"It'd be fine if he went down to the lake of something but, that house's driveway is like, a hundred feet from my bedroom, I can't sleep and it TERRIFIES Herschel..." I whimper pathetically.
"Well. I may be able to do something about that." Barbra decides.
"Oh no, I don't want to intrude!" I mock-protest.
"No, we're the ones intruding dear. I'll have words with him." She growls. I get the impression she's been waiting for an excuse To Have Words With Him.
"Th-thank you. Um. It's getting hot and I'm a mess, we should probably go inside..." I mutter and Barbra very kindly helps me and Herschel to the front door and tells me she'll be by later with watermelon as we wave goodbye.
From the porch, I watch her furiously power-walk back to her daughter's house, wrench open the front door, and issue a battle cry of "HEN-RY!!!" before it slams behind her.
Now I realize that this may not have been the most honest or ethical thing to do, but I figured it's more polite and ethical than the next step, which is chemical warfare, courtesy of Bath & Body Works :)
Well, they Psyop seems to have worked! That cul-de-sac, and indeed my entire block is perfectly quiet tonight!
Unfortunately I cannot say the same of the surrounding neighborhood, so it has been necessary to deploy The Stench.
The Stench is a mixture of Odoriferous chemicals meant to be discreetly poured over a surface (preferably something hot, like a sidewalk or fence in direct sunlight) to render an area temporarily uninhabitable, Similar to spraying coyote pee on your garden to discourage the rabbits. I can't give you a full recipe because I forgot to take notes, but elements include:
Spoiled beef broth, which is both rancid and unexpectedly sour (boiled to kill bacteria)
Expired milk, the most retch-inducing ingredient for me.
Several bottles of Liquid Ass
Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce
Concentrated Dog Urine
and FOUR bottles of Bath & Body Work's Cucumber Melon, which smells light and fruity when used as a light body spray, but in concentration smells like an entire fruit cart left to rot, possibly along with the carcass of the fruitseller.
The resulting solution smells like raw sewage, a fraternity dorm fridge when the power's been out for a week, and a roadkilled skunk. It's impressively vile. Herschel wanted to roll in it so bad.
I've spent the last few hours strolling the surrounding neighborhoods until I found the source of the mortars and flying explosives that are the real hazards, ingratiating myself into the parties, and discreetly dousing the lawns and fences nearby until someone goes "OH GOD!" and gags, and the party breaks up shortly thereafter. I returned home because I ran out of The Stench, despite hiding five 2L soda bottles of it in a backpack.
I will call it a success though, because while I can hear fireworks, they're all at least a mile away from me. In total:
Fire Hazard Parties derailed: 13
Screaming: 10
Crying: 13
Vomiting: 4
Fight blaming each other for causing The Stench: 5
Called the city to complain about The Stench, on the assumption it was a sewage issue, and then waited right next to their pile of illegal fireworks, for the fire department to show up: 2.
Guy who claimed to be enjoying the smell: 1
Party was partially derailed by The Stench, and partly by the fact they actually did start a fire: 1 (every human was alright, the pyro's roof, not as much)
Stray dogs caught and returned home: 2
So next year: MORE STENCH.
Until then, I have a corgi zooted on trazadone on my feet, and we bid you goodnight.
(If you would like to support a disabled storyteller and/or fund more stench research, you can donate to my Ko-fi or pre-order my Family Lore book on Patreon)
One thing about the Euros is that the English still havenât quite adjusted to the Queen dying so during the national anthem they keep singing âGod Save The Quingâ like thereâs a non-binary monarch on the throne.
Links to my free sewing patterns!
- big manta ray
- smaller manta ray
- monster friend (those monsters with horns Iâve been making lately, but without horns)
- pie slice
- Fred, the Fish of Minimal Effort
- tiny cat (aka Jiji)
- mini mothman
- whale shark/donut whale shark
- juggling frog/toad (aka my smallest, simplest frog pattern of the three Iâve made)
- large frog
- tiny hedgehog
- minecraft bee
- minecraft zombie
- blorbo
- Strawberry Hearts quilt pattern
- starfish
- little octopus
- canvas tote (wider than it is tall)
- canvas tote (taller than it is wide, more of a grocery bag)Â
- basic bat and ghost
- mini mushroom friends
- whale
- hammerhead shark
- simple seal
Tutorials:
- flannel baby blanket tutorial
- onigiri bag tutorial
- tomato pattern design walkthrough (how I design the pattern, not a link to the pattern itself)
Free pattern post, now updated with a link to the seal pattern! If itâs been a while since this reblog when you read this, itâs worth clicking through to the original post, I will update it whenever I share a new sewing pattern
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I think itâs normal for people to be mad at each other sometimes even if theyâre close friends or family or intimate with each other. Like I think thatâs a normal and healthy part of relationships that can happen sometimes
I went to Mad At You island because my feelings are my problem. I needed to stomp down the beach until I could sit and watch the sunrise. I built a sandcastle and did some thinking. Then I boarded the good ship You Matter To Me and sailed it all the way to meet you on the Letâs Talk Shore of I Love You Island.
just so weâre clear if youâve never actually seen a cybertruck in person and have only seen photos of them i cannot stress enough how much worse they look in real life. like i honestly donât know how itâs possible. most things look basically the same in pictures and in real life. but as stupid and ugly as cybertrucks look in photos, every person iâve spoken to who has seen one in real life agrees that they somehow look even worse in person. and i know youâre thinking to yourself âtah they already look so bad in photos, how can they possibly look even worse in person?â I DONT KNOW. the first time i saw one on the road i was on a phone call and i literally cut myself off in the middle of a sentence just to be like âoh my GOD.â just an incredibly, laughably, unbelievably bad vehicle. iâve never experienced anything like it. theyâre just so bad
The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.
Itâs short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.
After the survey is closed Iâll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like weâre part of a huge and diverse community.
If you think you might have friends and followers whoâd be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!
Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com
The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesnât fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.
And fuck the jigsaw puzzle imagery advanced by the eugenicists at Autism Speaks. Weâre not a âpuzzleâ to be âsolvedâ
Half of all people killed by cops have a disability, because cops arenât trained to recognize or deal with people with disabilities and very few places have people who are trained for those situations easily accessible during emergencies. So the cops come in and do what theyâre paid to do - murder anyone whoâs inconvenient to the state
Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.
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Yet another new study debunked the basis for the anti-trans sports bans. It was never about sports but for creating legal avenues for exclusion and abjection. This is one of the largest analyses ever conducted, involving 52 studies and 6,485 trans people. Read the study here.
I can't access the full paper, but their conclusion is right there in the abstract:
While transgender women exhibited higher lean mass than cisgender women, their physical fitness was comparable. Current evidence is mostly low certainty and has heterogenous quality but does not support theories of inherent athletic advantages for transgender women over cisgender.
this disability pride month lets be kinder to folks with moral ocd . no more âif you really care about this minority , youâll reblog this postâ , âsomeone will die if you donât reblog thisâ , etc etc , and all other kinds of guilt tripping reblog bait . at the VERY LEAST tag your reblog bait so we can filter it out and avoid unnecessary spirals . itâs 2026 , we need to move past using guilt to get engagement .
since there is such an "english speakers who don't even try to pronounce a foreign mame correctly" epidemic, native english speakers often try to overcorrect and end up thinking they have a moral imperative to pronounce every foreign name correctly at all times. so i'm gonna hold your hand and look into your eyss as i say this: you can't. you can't pronounce every sound in a language you don't speak. and that's fine. it happens to the rest of us too. we won't be mad so long as you try your best.
âI did some research to pronounce this name correctlyâ = đ great! even if the pronunciation was still off (and learning to pronounce a foreign language correctly takes a lot of practice) people generally appreciate it when someone goes the extra mile for accuracy, and honestly, languages are cool
âIâm probably not saying that correctlyâ/âsorry for my pronunciationâ = đ understandable! foreign languages often have sounds that arenât used in English and learning to correctly pronounce unfamiliar phonemes is genuinely difficult even with help
âlol Iâm not even gonna TRY to pronounce that đâ = đ THIS is the problem, if treats languages other than English like they are inherently âweirdâ or âoverly complicatedâ just because you arenât familiar with them
âOne thousand apologies for my butchering of this beautiful effervescent tongue, I will now flagellate myself as punishment for my crimesâ = đ chill
anyone else notice how when "digital assistants" were just supposed to do specific tasks when you asked for them we had Alexa and Siri and Cortana, but now that they're being marketed as smart enough to take actions and make decisions on their own they've got names like Claude and Devin
Yeah quiet quitting is great and all but have you tried chaotic working?
Like. I remember back in my grocery store cashier days I did so much crazy shit.
When WIC (Women, infants, and children voucher program to help low income mothers/families with children) people were in my line I would pretty much know who they were. Before the cards they had to tell us upfront they were WIC and show us their vouchers for what they were allowed to get (it was awful some times. Like. 2 gallons of milk. $4 worth of vegetables etc etc). Theyâd always have items hanging back, waiting to see what the total was and if they would have to take it off the belt.
I began to place the fruits/vegetables a certain way on the register scale so that like 1/2lbs of grapes read as like .28lbs or something. Then act shocked when I said that they still had X amount of lbs left. They got all their fruit and vegetables.
I think it started to kinda? Catch on to the women? Because I would have the same moms in my line month after month. And even after they switched to the cards (they worked like food stamp cards?) Iâd still do the same thing. They were able to get more produce for whatever shitty max amount Indiana gave them.
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it exists to divide the working class. All labour is skilled labour. Yes including that one. Yes, including that one too.
Do you know what's unskilled labour? Owning capital. There's no labour involved, thus requires no skill. And you can tell because people can be born into owning capital.
I've been lightly following the Bricks & Minifigs situation and every time someone talking about it is shocked that the police aren't being helpful I get another grey hair.
If no one's told you before, I'm glad I finally get to tell you: the cops do not exist to help or protect you the individual.
In 2005 the Supreme Court made an official ruling that essentially boils down to "cops do not have a legal duty to protect you from harm" after ruling that the police officers who failed (chose not) to enforce a restraining order are not responsible for the murder of three children by their father who was not allowed to visit or be anywhere near them.
Policing in the US has a long and dark history. I think a majority of people are aware of the roots in slave patrols in the southern regions and the downstream effects of racism in the force. But I think far fewer people are aware of how policing developed in the north.
Boston is often credited as the first "real" birth of policing as we know it. In Boston, companies in port would hire men to acts as guards for their product to discourage theft and other crime in the area. (These men were often criminal themselves but that doesn't really matter in this history lesson.) At this time in America there were also night watches. Stealing a quote from Time; "Policing in Colonial America had been very informal, based on a for-profit, privately funded system that employed people part-time. Towns also commonly relied on a ânight watchâ in which volunteers signed up for a certain day and time, mostly to look out for fellow colonists engaging in prostitution or gambling." Except the issue with this was it was voluntary and many of the men who volunteered chose to spend their watch drinking or engaging with prostitutes, so they lost community support over time.
Eventually, companies that were hiring guards saw an opportunity. Communities wanted better protection and they didn't want to have pay workers, so if they could convince the public and the government to fund law enforcement, they would get guards for free. Of course it wasn't all funded by tax dollars (and still isn't today) so if the shiny new police department happened to place most of its force closer to the companies that brought the idea forward, is that really so unfair?
And today, just as police in America are still heavily rooted in racism, the laws they enforce most often are to the benefit of corporations and large companies. Not citizens.
So, remember: just because you aren't doing anything wrong, or are the victim of a crime, the police (legally) aren't there to help you.
I hope the Mansell family are able to reclaim their property and I hope Bricks & Minifigs get what they deserve. But when penguinz0/MoistCritical/Charlie talks like he's shocked that the police aren't helping and he's baffled how they just aren't enforcing the law... I cringe a little.
It is, obviously, unsavory for police to be this blatant about not caring about citizens and I imagine the backlash will make the local department straighten up for a little while. But it won't change anything systemically.
I only have a minor in Criminal Justice but the history of police is taught in the intro level classes and even the most conservative professors openly say the same things. My history of policing class was taught by a former cop who was very proud of his time as a cop and correctional officer and he openly mentioned the roots in both corporate meddling and slave patrols.
