#incel

There was a time when I expected people to guide me through socializing step by step and got angry anytime they gave advice that I couldn't understand.

But that's exactly how I was treated anytime someone struggled with math. Because I was always good at math, I was expected to drop everything to help anyone who needed my help. And I was expected to feel honored by that.

But I wasn't born with a master's degree in teaching. I'm good at math because numbers have vibes to me and because I recognize patterns that most people don't. I don't do math the "normal way", so I wouldn't be good at explaining it the "normal way". Math is something that comes naturally to me, so I have no idea what causes people to struggle with it. I have no idea what goes through someone's brain when they try to do math. I also have a disability that makes explaining things difficult even under perfect conditions. So I'm probably the worst person to explain math. But still, anytime someone needed help in math, their problem became mine. When I was done helping one person, I had to help the next. And they were allowed to get mad at me anytime I couldn't help them, but I had to be fully patient with them.

And it wasn't just a few people treating me that way. It was everyone. It was my parents. It was my siblings. It was my classmates. It was my teachers. It was very hard for me to recognize it as unreasonable when that many people do it regularly and no one thinks of them as unreasonable when they do it. So it was also very hard for me to recognize it as unreasonable when I started doing it too.

This is a question that you ask yourself many times.

The vast majority of the time, the answer is no. There are many reasons for this that include but are not limited to:

This is an unsafe place to approach someone.

They've already told you to leave them alone.

You suspect that they're uncomfortable around you even if they haven't specifically mentioned it.

They're not at a place where they go to meet people.

They're busy doing something else or talking to someone else and talking to them now would be interrupting and rude.

You just talked to them a little while ago and talking to them now would be obsessive.

You know that you're welcome around them but you don't know if you're welcome around the group they're currently with.

You have nothing to say to them at the time, and trying to talk to them now would result in you just saying hi then standing there awkwardly silent or taking wild guesses at what to say and making the conversation feel forced.

You don't have the energy to socialize at the time.

But if you always answer no, then you're guaranteed to be alone forever.

So despite having to answer no the vast majority of the time, you also have to answer yes some of the time.