Sander sides having the time of their lives

Sleepxiety

So apparently when I get serotonin in me I write stuff like this, so again, enjoy some fluffy (maybe ooc) Virgil and his caring boyfriend.

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"O bury me not on the lone prairie." Virgil sung below his breath, trying desperately to recreate the skeletal hand he had for reference on his laptop. "These words came low and mournfully." Virgil continued, unaware of how little he had actually taken out of his work to care for himself.

"From the pallid lips, o' a youth who lay on his dying bed at the close of day." The pencil glided across paper, lines across lines and work atop work. He had to get this art assignment done, otherwise, his professor would once again fuck him over.

It had been hours since he had moved from where he sat in his computer chair, hunched over his desk. Water forgotten beside him, and every other need of his left in the dust while he focused on his current task.

"O bury me not, his voice failed there." Everything that Virgil did that was not drawing was autopilot, he wasn't really in control of that, just what his pencil was allowing to pour onto his paper. "And we took no heed, o' his dying prayer."

Virgil carried the tune, his voice sometimes becoming inaudible, leaving him mouthing the words as he focused on making a detail, before he would clear his voice and start again slightly louder.

"In a narrow grave, just six by three., O we buried him there, on the lone prairie."

Virgil hissed as he tried to unlock his fingers, leaving his hand aching. "Dammit." Virgil grunted, finally allowing the ballad go unnoticed while he dropped his pencil.

The door flung open, causing Virgil to jump at the abrupt noise. His neck snapped towards the door, being greeted by Remy's signature sunglasses and leather jacket.

"SURPRISE, BITCH!" Remy yelled, stepping into his boyfriends room. It was only a moment or two before Remy crossed the room to see Virgil, tutting softly as he approached.

Virgil grimaced at the arrival of his boyfriend, embarrassed to be caught in this state after the last time. Remy had watched him and would make little comments everytime he would be sitting there for more than an hour without moving or making plans to care for himself. It was sweet, but Virgil doesn't think that he's worth all that trouble, especially when Remy has his own workload to complete.

"Virge, how long have you been sitting in here like this? You must be aching all over. " he sighed, crouching in front of Virgil and watching as he finally unlocked his fingers. Remy carefully took Virgils hand in his own, softly rubbing his joints.

"Uhm.. Not that long?" Virgil lied with a soft blush blooming across his face caused by Remys soft attention.

"Mm, so we started with the cowboy ballads today did we?" Remy placed light kisses along his fingers before pulling away, deciding to hold his hand instead.

"Well, uhm.." Virgil chuckled awkwardly. "Yeah?"

"That's a no then." Remy stood, lightly tugging on Virgils hand to get him up. "C'mon Addams."

Virgil sighed as he stood. Remy wasn't wrong, his back throbbed as Virgil moved around. His neck popped and thrummed along with the rest of his tired and aching body. It seems Virgil did have a problem when it came to remembering to take care of himself.

Virgil followed Remy. He was led him down the hallway to their bathroom, stalling to stop in front of it. "Alright, I'll get a snack and a cold water," he smiled and let go of Virgil. "It'll be in the living room, alright?" Remy waited for Virgil to nod before leaving Virgil alone. Humming to a familiar tune as he walked away.

Virgil stretched some more as he walked into the living room, eyes landing on Remy as he set out the snacks he promised he would, followed by water and a couple of his own energy drinks.

Remy noticed Virgil a few moments later, a smile replacing his judging frown.

"Rem, you didn't have to." Virgil murmured. He walked over and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. Relishing in the feeling of warmth and stability. "I don't deserve you." Virgil sighed contentedly into Remys chest.

Remy could feel Virgil relax beneath him while he returned the hug. "I know, I'm amazing." He laughed, resting his head atop Virgils.

Virgil scoffed and pulled away, only to be yanked back by Remy. "Let-" Virgil grunted out playfully, trying to pry himself from his boyfriends grip. "gO- aHh-"

Remy chuckled when he abruptly let go of Virgil. Causing him to stumble backwards for a few seconds before Remy caught him again.

Virgil pouted, smacking Remy as he set down with his own soft laughter. Remy picked up a pop tart packet, tossing it to Virgil before sitting down beside him.

"We're almost out of those sundae flavored ones." Remy commented, pulling the tv remote out of thin air and picking an episode of the office to watch.

Virgil hummed as he settled in, snacking on the food and drinks, becoming less and less sore by the minute. God knows how long he had actually spent at the desk before Remy found him. Six hours? It didn't matter. He thought to himself as he sunk further into the couch, leaning on Remy who had his arm around Virgils shoulders.

"Mmphs," Virgil smiled with dope like grin. Man, it was real nice to have a boyfriend like Rem.

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Hope you enjoyed 💜

Words: 900

Tag list{you can ask to be added or removed}:

I wanted something sweet - so here we are :)

TW: tooth rotting fluff (or an attempt at it)

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"I can't believe this is about to happen." Virgil paced back and forth in front of Logan, chewing at the corner of his thumbnail.

"You believe a hundred different scenarios of the lunch line at school, and yet, somehow it's unfathomable to be considering a confession of your love for Patton?" Logans eyebrows crinkled in confusion, adjusting their glasses carefully, as if still searching for an answer to his rhetorical query.

Virgil paused, glaring at him, shifting his weight before clearing his throat. "I've... Never done this before, Logan." He stepped closer. "What-what if Pat says no? I mean I'm nothing like him! I'm like his polar opposite? He's all sunshine and puppies! And-and I'm gloomy and-"

"Kitties?" Logan supplied, earning a pause, Virgil pausing and staring at them as if someone turned him off. Virgil laughed at the response, crossing his arms.

"How'd you get there, genius?" The amusement in his eyes was hidden under faux annoyance.

Logan smiled at that. "You were naming things you liked; Patton likes sunshine, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 puppies." Virgil nodded, waiting for them to elaborate. "And you like gloom and cats, however it did not ryhme, so I used kitties instead."

Virgils shoulders visibly relaxed, the tension in his shoulders melting away, even if only slightly. Virgil nodded in understanding, finally finding rest in his desk chair. Patton would be here soon, wanting to know why Virgil asked him to his house no doubt- and then, Virgil would bring him to his room and break the news. Patton was never one to shame others for their likes and intrests, it was the deciding factor of this visit. No matter what, Patton would understand, he'd be sweet, considerate. It was almost like it was against his nature to wish any ill will on a person.

Logan stood up, the light from the window covered the rooms floor, casting shadows of the furniture, and leaving the room with an orange glow. Grabbing their book bag, they walked to Virgils doorway, flipping on the light before it was too dark to see.

"I promised I would be at family dinner, so I better get going." They stated, turning to look at Virgil before they left. "And Virgil, no matter what, Patton will not ridicule you. I can assure that." Logan hoped they were encouraging to their friend as they crossed the threshold out into the hallway, Virgil just hummed in response, no doubt anxiety eating away in his stomach.

--

"Coming!" Virgil called, trying to remain calm as he made his way to the front door, breathing a few deep breaths before opening it. "Pat, hi!" He opened the door wider, stepping to the side to allow Patton to enter.

Patton's eyes lit up, smiling brightly. "Heya, Virgie!" Patton stepped inside, turning to face Virgil expectantly. It really didn't matter why he was here, as long as he got to hang out with Virgil. Virgil was a sight to behold, his hair messy from his hands running through it every few minutes, his eyes beautifully accentuated by his dark eye shadow, freckles trying to pop out from underneath his pale foundation. Virgil was absolutely adorable.

Virgils eyes darted around nervously, closing the door with trembling hands. He returned the big grin with his own small one. Patton was wearing overalls with a bunch of different patches that the group had bought to give him, a brown T-shirt underneath it, underneath the outer layer- a comfy space jacket that Patton borrowed (stole) from Logan. His glasses rested lopsided on the bridge of his nose, his bright blue orbs staring at Virgil happily- Patton was just the epitome of precious.

"I uh, let's go to my room first." Virgil fidgeted with a loose string on his patched jacket, leading Patton to the bedroom, nerves trying to claw up his throat, threatening to clamp his jaw shut as Patton sat down on his bed.

"Okie dokey, now what?" Patton giggled, hands folding in his lap as he waited patiently for his friend to continue.

Virgil swallowed hard, leg bouncing while he sat in his desk chair. Patton noticed and frowned. "What's wrong?"

Virgil sighed, adjusting the collar of his jacket while he shifted in his seat. "Well, nothings wrong, not really, I just uh.." He trailed off, nerves getting the better of him.

Pattons frown lightened, and he leaned in towards Virgil, carefully assessing him. "You alright there, kiddo?" He softly asked, concern hiding at the edges of his voice.

"Well, it's just- I uh.. Have something to tell you, something that I have wanted to for a real long time." He nervously got out, finally looking Patton in the eye.

Patton smiled reassuringly, a softness in his eyes, a warmth, that made him keep going.

"I-" he took a deep breath. "I have had a crush on you for a while now and I just wanted to let you know." He rushed out, wiping his hands on his ripped jeans, averting his gaze.

Patton stilled in his seat, frozen in shock maybe? Or horror. Honestly it's understandable, one of your closest friends just admitted to having feelings for you and- and that's a make or break type deal, like the weight of a building putting strain on the friendship when he rejects him-

Patton giggled once, unable to stop the fit that followed suit. Subsequently tearing Virgil from his spiral. "Uh.. Pat?" He hesitated, looking over at Patton who was grinning so wide you would think his face would split.

"Im-im sorry Virge, I just- I'm just so 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙮! " he responded giddily.

Virgil sunk in his seat, accepted the rejection- wait, happy? He perked up in his seat. "Wait, do you mean-"

"Yes," Patton nodded, pulling Virgil up from his chair. "I've had a crush on you too, Virge." He whispered, locking his arms around Virgils neck loosely. He stared up at the purple haired boy, a grin almost permanently etched into his features. "I've had a crush on you since forever ago." He muttered sweetly, Virgil still wide eyed in his arms.

Finally, Virgil came back to his senses, a blush dusting his cheeks while his arms finally hugged Patton. "I can't believe it." Virgil breathed in disbelief.

Patton got up on his tippy-toes, and pressed a quick kiss to Virgils cheek. "Well, you'll have a lot of time for it to settle in, Virgie, and I'll be here when you do."

Virgil smiled and nodded, looking into Patton's eyes. "Yeah.. I like the sound of that." He whispered, leaning down and placing a small kiss for Patton's nose, earning him a light chuckle.

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Hope you enjoyed 💜

Words: 1106

Tag list {you can ask to be added or removed}:

Remus: squeeze the lemon into Janus' eyes!

Virgil:.. Uhm.. Show me 'squeeze the lemon into Janus' eyes'!

Board:

Janus: glares at remus*

Board: 3 *bing*

Logan: *sighs* Roman it's three in the morning.

Roman: AND I'M GOING BLIND!

Remus in the background: WOOOO SHOTS!!

Logan:.... Is that Remus?

Roman: yes, why?! Are you saying Remus did this?! Oo- ow a hanger poke me-

Logan: Roman. Are you in a closet?

Roman: how did you know?

Logan:... Just open the door.

A/N: this was an experiment fic to see if I could write a piece without using their names

Requested by a close friend :)

Prompt: Virgil is a Faerie that wilts anything he touches....except for Patton for some reason?

If you're familiar with the welsh lore on Faeries then to help you imagine what they look like Virgil is charcoal and amethyst colored and would be from the unseelie court, (but he doesnt act all evil) , Patton is a mushroom faerie.

Patton is blind.

Patton and Virgil are genderbent, and Virgil is referred to as Fae or Faerie, whilst Patton is referred to as tiny Faerie, sprite and Puck.

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It was in a flash that the tiny Faerie was seen, nimbly sifting through the landscape, picking at herbs and the like. It never looked at what they were picking, an unfocused gaze accompanied the sprite looking creature.

It never looked at her, and to be fair the cursed fay didn't mind. It was expected.

The birds sung and flew about the sprite girl, and her shoulders visibly relaxed. A smile graced her features as she looked upwards with no certain destination in mind. She reveled in the sunlight that broke through to meet her.

It was then, that the taller of the two decided to leave, better that than to stir up trouble. As she turned to walk away, the other called out to her.

"Where are you going?" A breathy voice called.

The fay stood still, turning to look at them again, to see who she was talking to. She found the other looking in the general direction of where she stood, smiling softly. Their frost covered eyes staring uncertainly at them.

Truth be told, the wretched fay was hesitant to speak. They didn't want to risk defiling sprite in anyway possible, as silly as it may seem. The sprite wasn't deterred by the response, or rather, lack thereof, and began walking towards her.

The taller of the two backed away, and the shorter one stopped walking, head cocked to where her ear was pointed at the latter.

The sprite frowned, but continued forward, hand outstretched as if showing her the way. The sprite stopped feet from the fay, and bent to pick something up.

Before she could process what the puck was doing, goats-beard was shoved into her hand, causing her to back away, dropping the gift. The fay stood there, mouth agape whilst the flower wilted away.

She looked up and chose to stare at cap of the girls mushroom, if the sprite could see her, she'd see uncertainty swimming across her features. The fay could however, see the sprites face out of the corner of her eye, and the unbridled sadness that she bore at the death of a flower.

"You shouldn't have done that." She knew her voice sounded somewhat intimidating, but she didn't rightly care. The sprite didn't seem to notice she was in danger, and her demeanor faltered none.

The former stepped forward. "It's alright," she reach out to touch the other, and as soon as their skin met, the Fay hissed and jolted backward.

"Do you have a death wish?!" She sneered. Voice sounding barely above a breathless whisper.

The sprite did yank her hand back, and upon the feel if her palm she showed the cursed fay the unmarred skin left behind.

The fay was awestruck, lips parted slightly. The sprite took another step, but the latter had turned and hurried away, leaving a tiny trail of wilted plants in her wake.

Barely a fortnight had passed, the charred fay had noticed the fortnightly visits the little puck had been growing accustomed to. Some nights the sprite would hum a soft melody, fireflies danced around her at times. It was an exquisite experience.

This night, however, was the faerie with the cursed touch, who had been humming. She watched nature buzz around her and she found it mesmerizing how the world didnt need her, the evil she represented, or anything else she brought. Sure, it made her, but as she could see it also prospered without her.

She sat with her right leg folded beneath the other, and she sighed at the length of wilted grass beneath her left outstretched leg. She found it incredible that the sea of greens before her made a bleak, inky, amethyst mess. Made for destruction rather than the gift of creation.

While the thoughts spread in her mind like wildfire, she failed to notice the puck walk up to her.

Only when the sprite hummed along with the fay, did she even notice.

She stopped humming and stared at the puck, something that was similar to abhorred horror written on her face. Unbeknownst to the sprite, of course.

"What are you doing?" It came out lighter than she wanted, borderline gentle.

The other pause, turning to stare at nothing. "Im humming?" She smiled.

Still tense, she chose her words carefully. "Why are you here?" The fay watched with meticulous care at the others response.

"Is.." The puck adjusted her untrained gaze to match the sound of the others voice. "Is it strange.... To say I find you interesting?" Each syllable that left the sprites lips sounded like a windchime, a beautiful collection of sounds.

"Everything I touch wilts away." She responded bitterly.

"Yes," the sprite nodded, "and yet, from the feel of it, the fields are still green, and the rabbits bound free." She inched closer, sitting down. "Not to mention, when you touched me I was fine." She let out a breathy chuckle.

Dumbfounded, she remained silent for a while. Before finding her voice again. "Won't you be in trouble for even speaking to a thing like me?" It was rhetorical, even a blind woman (pun intended) could see the answer.

"Well, then, make it worth my while." The puck slide herself into her side, head resting on the faeries leg, hugging it.

The fay could feel the smile that the sprite had, and to her credit, the puck was interesting too. No one had ever behaved this way around her, which made her curious. With a bit of hesitation, the fay let her hand rest on the pucks side.

She drew a breath and looked back out across the field. "I'm not gonna change what I was doing, you know." The faerie was stubborn, that much was clear if the tone in her voice was anything to go by.

"I never asked you to."

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Hope you enjoyed💜

Words: 974

A/N: How the fic played out is actually inspired by a scene in Outlander season 6, where the siege is taking place and Claire finds comfort by laying her head down on Jaime and he soothes her by rubbing circles into her back, I am absolutely in love with that scene- :)

Tag list {you can ask to be added or removed}:

Virgil may seem ooc, so may Remus! I wrote this like a month ago-

Remus is too tired to be disturbing- lol

There are no TW! - Wow  am I right?

High school au, Janus is deaf, cause I could.

Could be read as platonic, not proof read.

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Virgil pulls out his phone to text Remus for his whereabouts, they had promised to go to the park after school but for some reason Remus had disappeared.

Sighing he scrolls through his contacts selecting Remus, when a grunt took his attention, he looked up and saw the gym doors open, with light pouring through, and like a cheesy chick-flic moment he peaked in.

In the center of the room Remus was wrestling another classmate. Ah, he forgot about his practice. He scanned the area quickly to see the other wrestlers watching intently as Remus had put a hold on his opponent, the coach signalling he had won moments later. The loser got up and glared at him as he rounded Remus to sit with who Virgil now assumed were other unlucky losers.

Virgil debated leaving and waiting for him out side so he wouldn't seem like a perv, and he was about to walk away too if it weren't for the coach calling up Janus.

Janus had a grin on his face as he stood opposite of Remus, he signed something to him before getting in position. Remus chuckled out "you wish" before also getting set.

Virgil saw Remus' eyes drift to him for a second, and Virgil ducked out from the door way immediately hearing an 'oof' and cheering shortly after.

"Great job, Janus!" One of the bystanders shouted.

... Oops, did he cause that?

Virgil scurried out of the school and opted to wait at his car and play on his phone.

"Slut."

"And hello to you too, Rem."

Remus rolled his eyes at him pushing him out of the way of the passenger door. "You cost me a perfect practice."

He hummed in acknowledgement going around to the drivers seat.

"One could argue you were fated to lose anyway, Janus almost always beats your ass."

He could almost feel the eye roll from Remus.

"Yeah, Almost! I had a chance if it wasn't for this strangely attractive pervert watching us fight."

Virgil pulled out of the parking lot only offering an amused smirk.

The drive to the park was relatively quiet besides the low hum from the radio as Remus switched from staring at his phone and looking out the window. His eyelids getting heavier by the minute.

"Hey, you dozing off there?" Virgil pushed his shoulder lightly.

"Mmh- hey!" The car swerved a bit when Remus shoved back.

"Alright, calm down," he sighed looking briefly at Remus, taking in his appearance. "You sure you don't wanna just head to your place? You seem pretty tired."

Remus shook his head sitting up in an effort to make himself more awake. "No, no, I wanna go to the park, I promised I would-" he was cut short with a yawn, glaring at Virgil when he laughed.

"C'mon, Rem, we can go to the park tomorrow,"

Remus watched in annoyance as Virgil turned down a road that lead the opposite direction of the park, momentarily contemplating grabbing the wheel.

"It's not like I'm gonna get any sleep anyway. My brothers are bringing friends over." He huffed.

"Well, then we'll go to my place, it's not like you haven't stayed over before."

Remus hummed distractedly, looking back out the window.

"Aight, we're here."

Remus all but drug himself into Virgils room, ignoring the snickers from Virgil.

"The twins will freak when they find you here." He commented setting his stuff on his desk then collapsing onto his bed.

Remus smiled fondly at the mention of them and got onto the bed with him.

"Your brothers are so sweet, I can't wait to be charged enough to play with them." He sighed closing his eyes when he got settled.

"Hm" the tv turned on to a show he couldn't give a rats ass about, but it lulled him to sleep nonetheless, along with the quick taps on Virgils laptop next to him.

Virgil was so focused on his work as he typed away for an assignment that was due Monday that he didn't register the snores coming from beside him and only realized Remus was asleep when he turned and threw an arm into his laptop, which, not that anyone would know, scared the bejesus out if Virgil.

"Holy shit-" his right hand clutching his chest where his heart would be, turning to Remus' sleeping form.

"If you broke it, youre paying."

He muttered turning back to his laptop, he carefully pulled it from under Romans arm and surveyed the damage. "Oh, that's not so bad you only," his voice raised slightly in a panic as he continued, "erased half of my work!? Dammit!" He sighed carding his hand through his hair, he set his laptop to the side and just laid back watching the tv as he conveniently forgot about his work. Soon after falling asleep.

His phone alarm woke him up, he tried to sit up but when he couldn't he started to panic, even more so when the grip tightened around him tried to move again.

A tired groaning noise caused him to look to his side, a sleeping Remus hugging onto him like a koala bear.

"Ah.. That explains the- yeah" a sigh of relief escaped his lips as he carefully reached for his phone trying to not wake Remus.

When he finally managed to turn off his alarm he relaxed back into the bed, Remus now snuggling closer into him.

The warmth and the comfortability of it all quickly made him fall asleep again, damn, Remus was like a heater.

"REMUS IS HERE!!" The twins, Patton and Thomas yelled in unison, promptly jumping onto them.

"He-hey you guys-"

They squealed bouncing on the bed slowly but surely pushing Virgil off. Rude.

"Boys! Boys do you want ice cream?" Virgil hissed out trying to get the boys to quiet down.

They stopped immediately, turning to him with a gasp. "I'll get you some if you beat me down stairs."

In a moments notice they scrambled of the bed racing down stairs. Virgil chuckled lightly getting up to follow them, only turning back at the doorway to make sure Remus was still asleep.

Sure enough he was sprawled out on Virgils bed snoring away. Virgil rolled his eyes closing the door behind him, only Remus could sleep through such an attack, "weirdo." Virgil whispered fondly before the soft click of the door shutting was heard, leaving Remus to rest peacefully.

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Hope you enjoyed💜

Words: 1070

A/N: yes, I know Janus is deaf and cannot hear Remus say 'you wish', but, I wrote it with lip reading in mind. Thank you.

Tag list {you can ask to be added or removed}:

Anxceit / fluff / human au

If you know me you know I usually post these on my main- but, I decided to switch all things sander sides (except for reblogs) here so let's-a-go

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"Hnghn." Virgil groaned, burying his head deeper into the warmth engulfing him.

The sounds of the office playing on the TV was enough to lull him back to sleep.

Until the warmth hugged him back that is.

Panic surged through him, and he almost jumped out of his skin- what stopped him? The realization that this was his partner, and that was cemented even further when they spoke up.

"Mm.. You're such a good pillow, you know that, Virge?"

Virgil smiled into Janus' neck as he listened to their sleep fogged voice. He was obviously more awake than Virgil, but not by much.

Their legs were intertwined, and Janus was holding Virgil like he was a giant teddy bear. And vise versa.

Virgil could only see blonde locks, complimented with the faint glow of purple LEDS. It was perfect. He could never be more content than this.

Virgil hummed, squeezing Janus tightly.

"Let me rephrase- were such a good pillow- you're killing me smalls." Janus sounded purposefully strained, letting out a dramatic breath of air when Virgil loosened his grip to laugh at his partner.

"What time is it?" Virgil didn't make any effort to check himself, in fact, burrowed deeper into Janus' side.

"It's, " Janus reached over Virgil, pressing against him even more as he grabbed his phone, turning it on briefly before dropping it onto the nightstand and falling back beside Virgil. "8:17."

Virgil whined, turning onto his back to indignantly stare at the ceiling.

"We got enough time for an episode, or we could go back to sleep?" Janus propped themselves up on an elbow, staring at Virgil.

Virgil sighed dramaticly. "I don't want you to go."

Janus laughed softly, quickly planting a kiss on Virgils forehead. "I can't just call in sick everytime you have me over."

Virgil stared at Janus before huffing. "Well- how am I supposed to get my fix?"

Janus chuckled, a hearty thing.

"I can just wear the same clothes as yesterday, how about that? So, we have more time together."

Virgil grinned up at Janus.

Janus leaned down and gave Virgil a soft kiss, resting their forehead on his after. "I love you so much." they smiled.

"I get that a lot. " Virgil smirked at Janus when they pulled away with a theatric groan.

"A chest wound! I surely won't make it out alive!"

"You'll live." Virgil laughed, Janus threw their hands up in the air.

"Oh, by the gods! Take mercy upon me, the pain is too much!"

Virgil rolled his eyes fondly, staring at them unbothered.

"Shut up." Virgil hit Janus lightly when they continued and Janus looked back at Virgil, and Feigning hurt.

"The cruelty!"

Virgil laughed turning over to watch the tv.

"I love you, dork."

"Dawh! How sweet." Janus slid up next to Virgil, slipping their hands into Virgils and watching from behind him.

"I don't want you to go.." Virgil sighed out after an episode.

"I don't wanna go. " Janus mumbled into Virgils shoulder.

After a minutes silence Janus spoke up one last time.

"I'm calling in."

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Hope you enjoyed

Ik it's short but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tag list {you can ask to be added or removed}:

Virgil: *spits tea* HE USES GUCCI CONDOMS?!