#anxceit

so uhm. poll?

Vee: "I hate you and want you to die"

Jan: "No you don't, proof?"

Vee: *flips Janus off*

Jan: "Oh shit..."

Vee: "Yeah bitch, nunbers don't lie. And the number is two!"

I would think that one person would enjoy the taste 👀

Figuring out my ideas for my universe sander sides, first time drawing Janus I think I like how he turned out. (Crapily colored under cut :3)

I would say all of the above, honestly. It's very complicated to me.

All make sense and I enjoy all sorts of stories . To me, because of his role as Self-Preservation (and low-key as a gatekeeper), Janus served as a Shepherd for the dark sides; someone protective, nurturing, and guiding. This can be taken as him being a mother or father figure, depending on the sort of story you're telling.

More importantly his position as Shepherd means there is a power imbalance; he is the reason they are hidden. He has final say on what people are allowed to do and can take action to enforce his 'correct' opinions. He is the one who tells the other dark sides that there is something wrong with them and that they need to be hidden.

Fundamentally, this power imbalance is because of their roles. The power Janus has is only such because he has been cast in that position by Thomas's mind. Challenging this framework and the fairness of it is something that Virgil is great for as a character. So much of his arc is challenging and calling into the light/dark divide as a whole. Challenging other aspects of Thomas's Mind Structure makes sense for him to do.

A romantic relationship can create such a challenge. And they're interesting characters to explore. I do ship Virgil and Janus and head canon that they've had some sort of past romantic relationship. But also as sides they have known each other since they were very young. They were friends once. That's just canon, frankly.

The most important thing to make Virgil and Janus is messy. There are so many hurt feelings and things left unsaid between them. They have both done things wrong and are self aware enough to know they have hurt each other. They are not good enough at apologies to apologize for those things. They miss each other. They are bitter. They need to keep the peace, for Thomas's sake, if nothing else.

Virgil is mad at Janus for caring about Thomas more than the dark sides; that's why they were hidden, that's why they were taught they were wrong. That might have been a moral choice, but as Deceit, Janus still enforced that choice and kept everyone hidden. This is a wound Janus cannot apologize for because it is a fundamental part of himself, as he exists as one of Thomas's sides.

Janus is mad at Virgil for leaving and and leaving him behind. At some point Janus must have realized that hiding the dark sides wasn't going to work. Virgil was the first one let out. I headcanon this was as sort of like, a test case? But rather than continue to be a bridge for everyone, Virgil has moved away and distanced himself from Janus and Remus and his past as a dark side. He says, 'I used to be one of them' -- this denies that he is anymore. He says 'I'm not so sure we are' when Janus asks if they are friends. He has moved on from them for greener pastures and Janus is bitter, and at every turn he cannot help but understand what Virgil is doing; Virgil is making the choice that is best for him. Best for Virgil.

How badly must it hurt, to know that when you were hid away, he really thought that was for the best? That he wanted things to be as safe as possible? That you were loved?

Because Janus cares, and that is the most difficult thing. Of course he cares. He cares about everyone, that's a given. But he rarely expresses or shows it beyond the bare minimum, beyond his job.

But he still hid them away. And he thought it was right, then. He did it for Thomas. That's the sticking point; no matter how much Janus loves the sides, loves the pieces of Thomas, he loves Thomas more.

And Virgil just wants to be loved openly. He wants to be regarded with importance.

But he has learned, again and again, through experience and example, that he cannot be open. He cannot fully express himself. He cannot be loud, he cannot be seen.

And then Virgil finds out that all of that was bullshit.