my daughter's had breakfast and is sat down with her roblox so its time for nineteen uninterrupted hours of dwarf fortress
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@victoriamfd
my daughter's had breakfast and is sat down with her roblox so its time for nineteen uninterrupted hours of dwarf fortress
That’s the life

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me: hey what are the spoils on the last raid my dwarves: ten horses and also ten horses. me: weird that you say it like that when its split by gender but okay. next squad, what was your take my dwarves: an opossum, an opossum and twelve horses. me: more horses. whee. okay. next? my dwarves: three lynx, three lynx, five horses, eight horses me: BIT HORSE HEAVY TODAY AREN'T WE. next squad my dwarves: me: that's a real short looking list. what's on it my dwarves: me: it better not b my dwarves: horse
being on the aro spectrum would be a lot easier if being single wasn't made to feel like a literal death sentence
it's all very well to say "friends are just as important as romantic partners" but in practice this simply is not the case lmao. you can share a flat with a friend but it's expected that sooner or later that friend will meet someone and will move out to go live with that person instead. if you're hanging out with friends you can bring your partner along but your friends can't come on a date night with you because that's third-wheeling and it's weird. you can know somebody for most of your life and still be second-best to some guy they met on tinder 6 months ago. you're meant to just accept without question the fact that your friends will prioritise time with their partners over time with you. being single is treated like a problem that needs to be fixed. we casually use expressions like "just friends" or "more than friends". everything we read and watch reinforces the idea that romantic love is what gives life meaning and therefore your life is meaningless. i try to keep my chin up but my god it is bleak out there
also: there are very very real material benefits & privileges for people in recognized romantic relationships (marriage, common-law or otherwise). Single people don't get them. (Or people in relationships that aren't legally recognized, for whatever reason
It isn't quite a death sentence, but IS often around matters of life (health, financial security) and death.
gotta love the people in the notes doing the thing op is criticizing. “that’s just life, things change and you need to adapt” and “friendships have ebbs and flows, they aren’t static” and “people get swept up in romantic relationships but will come back when they realize their romantic partner cannot fill their every need” and “i love my best friend but i have a romantic partner and they do come before my best friend that’s just how it is.”
babes. we should not just accept this as normal and okay and healthy. analyze why it’s so absurd and confusing to you for someone to suggest maybe you should value your friends and maybe you don’t need to have a hierarchy of relationships. friendships are indeed not static, but “i have a romantic partner so now you don’t matter” isn’t the natural and normal ebbs and flows of friendship, it’s the amatonormative belief that friends are only important until romance comes into the picture—that friendship is a mere placeholder for the real thing.
(ever notice how common it is in media for someone to have an established “best friend” but then that title goes to their romantic partner to emphasize their elevated importance? this is a reflection of the belief that your romantic partner not only has to be the most important relationship, but should also encompass all kinds of relationships within it—your sexual/romantic partner and best friend wrapped in one—an approach to relationships that ultimately dooms both platonic and romantic relationships by “expecting too little” from the former and “expecting too much” from the latter. also, if “best friend” is less than “spouse,” why is it imperative that your spouse also be your best friend?)
the implication of folks being clingy or codependent or unrealistic for wanting their friends to not sideline their relationship of years for a romantic partner they met two seconds ago is the problem. we should be making time and space in our lives for all of our relationships, not just the romantic ones. because that’s what it is healthy and fair. and if you sideline your friends to make your romantic relationship the center of your world, only to realize that your romantic partner can’t possibly (and shouldn’t have to) fill all of your needs and you actually need friends in your life in a meaningful way, well, don’t expect them to have just been waiting around for you to realize their value.
and realize that this isn’t just a thing on a personal level. it’s not as simple as "oh your best friend prioritizes her husband over you? just make him your new best friend too! problem solved!" it’s bigger than that. romantic relationships, particularly marriages, are systematically privileged over other relationships: “amatonormativity intersects with other forms of oppression, especially gay and lesbian oppression and women’s oppression, to impose steep costs. amatonormativity is itself systematic in a way characteristic of oppression: legal penalties and discrimination interlock with social pressures and discrimination, stereotyping in the media, workplace discrimination, consumer pricing, and children’s education.” statistics show that married couples are less connected to their friends, family, and community than those who are single, and that not having a network of relationships outside of romance can lead to poorer health outcomes. this is more than your attempts to make people look ridiculous for being upset that their friend's spouse comes before them.
and more importantly, realize that romance being the most important kind of love is a modern concept. there are point in history and different cultures where platonic relationships were not so degraded—where they were treated with the love and passion and care and prioritization that has now come to be reserved for romantic love; where they were considered and treated as beloved family, not disposable side characters; where they would take on roles now only associated with family or spouses; where they were even referred to with language now considered exclusively romantic. so the argument of “of course romantic partners come first, that’s just how life is” doesn't hold up. that’s “how it is” because that’s how people make it. it is not naturally occurring; it doesn’t just play out like that.
we can change it if we so choose. if you don’t want your friends to have such importance in your life, just say that. don’t try to rewrite history or make people out to be dramatic or too much for wanting the people in their lives to value them. (and even if you don’t want that for your life, you should not only full heartedly support others doing so, but also advocate for changes that allow others to live the lives they want without unnecessary societal and legal barriers.)
if anyone is interested, minimizing marriage: morality, marriage, and the law by elizabeth brake (the book “amatonormativity” is coined in) and the other significant others: reimagining life with friendship at the center by rhaina cohen are good reads on this topic.
peer reviewing @figtree34 's tags:
actually no im still thinking about llrb bc it really pmo that i still can't shake the brainworms from all the times i've been openly or implicitly pitied for being open about being aromantic like ik i can have a meaningful life w/o being in love but idk its like theres always gonna be a little part of me wondering if my life sucks because i dont have that one person/ppl i'm fanatically obsessed with to the exclusion of all else
i'll be honest thinking about las vegas makes me nauseous.
like this shouldnt be possible.
Every part of Vegas feels like it's pulled out of fiction and is Incredibly off-putting. It's a major city in the middle of one of the world's most inhospitable deserts
Its famous for recreating other world landmarks on a small scale. It uses this as a trap to bait people into making life ruining decisions. It's motto is essentially "never speak of what happened here". Fucked up

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Sofa Soulmates
Throw her
Stratt: Oh no.
Stratt: I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to be sad or stressed about this.
Stratt: GRACE!
Grace: On it!
Grace: *starts sobbing and going into a full panic attack*
one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"
the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.
animated lesbians making out as a follower milestone on bluesky. enjoy 💋💋
this is an ongoing casual narrative now! click here for the next story beat ❤️🖤

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She got the idea for the study while walking with her advisor at Stanford to discuss her thesis topic, and the paper she eventually published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology in 2014 is sharp enough that it should have ended the seated meeting on the day it came out.
She ran 4 experiments on 176 people. Same person tested twice. Once sitting, once walking. The creativity tasks were the standard ones psychologists have used for decades to measure how good a brain is at generating novel useful ideas.
81% of participants in the first experiment produced more creative ideas while walking than while sitting. In the second experiment, 88%. In the third, 100%. Every single person walked into a more creative version of themselves. On average, people generated 60% more novel useful ideas the moment their legs started moving.
The skeptical question is the obvious one. Maybe it was the fresh air. Maybe it was the scenery passing by. Maybe it was the change of environment doing the work, not the walking itself.
Oppezzo killed every one of those explanations with one experimental decision. She put people on a treadmill facing a blank wall. No scenery. No fresh air. No environmental change. Just legs moving in place while staring at white drywall. The 60% boost held.
Then she ran the experiment that closed the case completely. She took participants outside in two conditions. Half of them walked through a Stanford courtyard. The other half were pushed through the exact same courtyard in a wheelchair. Same outdoor stimulation. Same scenery passing at the same speed. The only difference was whether the legs were moving.
The walkers produced dramatically more novel high-quality ideas than the wheelchair group. The outdoors did almost nothing on its own. The walking did everything.
She also tested the opposite kind of thinking. Convergent thinking. The kind where there is one right answer and you have to narrow down to it. Word puzzles where 3 words share a hidden fourth word that connects them. The seated participants did slightly better on these. Walkers got slightly worse.
Walking is not a general intelligence enhancer. It does one specific thing. It opens up the divergent search inside your brain. The part that generates options. The part that produces unexpected connections. The part that takes a problem and finds five ways into it instead of one.
When you need to converge on the single right answer, sit down. When you need to find the answer in the first place, get up.
The mechanism is now well understood. Walking selectively activates what neuroscientists call the default mode network, the system inside your brain that runs when you are not consciously focused on anything. The DMN is where mind-wandering happens. Where memories cross-reference each other. Where ideas that have been sitting in separate folders inside your head finally bump into each other.
When you sit at a desk and force yourself to concentrate, you suppress the DMN. When you walk at a natural pace, the executive part of your brain gets just busy enough handling the walking that the DMN comes online and starts doing the work that focus was blocking.
The most useful finding in the entire paper is the one almost nobody quotes. The boost did not turn off the moment people stopped walking. Participants who walked first and then sat back down stayed elevated. Their next round of seated creativity work was still significantly better than people who had been sitting the whole time. The rest lingered for at least several minutes after the legs stopped moving.
You do not need to do creative work while walking. You need to walk before the creative work. The brain holds the state.
Edited down a long tweet. (x)
There is… a lot going on here.
Friendly reminder that you can talk to your brain like a beloved innocent little kid and it works probably better than you’d expect
“Wow this is pretty rough huh…let’s think of some good things instead! What are some things we’re looking forward to?”
“I have an idea, lets pretend we’re in slow-motion, even our breathing and blinking is slooowwww”
“Quick I need your help it’s really super important! Tell me every single [color/animal/etc] you can possibly think of”
“Hey buddy, do you maybe want your favorite snack? I bet you’re pretty tired huh…how about we have a little nap/go to bed early tonight”
Doesn’t always have to be for handling negative stuff either in fact doing it in neutral-positive situations will help you remember it’s even an option in times of distress. And in general it’s just very healing, promotes self-worth, etc.
(no specific source other than that one of my lifelong special interests has been How To Be Better In Every Way Because Everthing About Me Just Seems Wrong)
hi, a lot of you need a perspective reset
the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years
taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult
at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)
'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65
it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age
it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.
you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.
young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!
there are a million things to do in the world, and they don't vanish overnight because an imaginary number gets too big
A doll youtuber I watch has made a video about the history of Polly Pocket, and she's describing the plots of the dvd specials, one of which features an elderly woman named Ms. Throckmorton, and my reaction was

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Sometimes flirting isn't pick-up lines and sexual innuendos, sometimes it's asking questions about their passions, noticing little details, and embracing their flaws.
drug addicts deserve housing, food, water, and healthcare btw