thinking a lot about βwhat was your motherβs name?β and shane trying to learn more about their relationshipβ¦β¦ shane asking ilya later, later, when theyβre married, βwhat did your mother call you? did she have like, a nickname for you?β and ilya makes a little humming noise, his mouth tugged up at the corners, βilyusha. it was mostly β a childish nickname.β and shane tests it on his tongue β βilyusha. it sounds sweet.β but ilya gives a little bitter laugh, says, βafter she died, my father and brother used it as an insult. whenever they wanted me to feel small, they called me that.β he says it so devoid of emotion, so matter of factly, that for a moment, shane isnβt sure what to say. in the end, all he can manage is, βthatβs awful. she called you that because she loved you.β ilya smiles softly, shrugs. βis fine, now. no one calls me that anymore, so. is okay.β
but shane canβt stop thinking about it. he rolls it around in his head, such a sweet name for such a sweet boy. that night, he has ilya sit across from him on the bed, tells him to stay still. shaneβs looking at him intently, brow furrowed, the lines of his face drawn tight, heβs so focused. ilyaβs half laughing when shane takes ilyaβs face in his hands, ββso serious my love,ββ but the amusement dies in his throat when shane presses a kiss to ilyaβs forehead, murmurs ilyusha, so quietly at first heβs sure heβs only imagined it. but then shane moves to the right side of his face, ghosts a kiss against the shell of his ear, ilyusha. again, beneath his left eye, ilyusha. his nose, ilyusha. his trembling mouth, ilyusha. his name from another life, a past of burned bridges, a childhood cut short.
βitβs a good name,β shane tells him when they break apart, ilyaβs face still cradled in the haven of his hands. βshe loved you more than anything in the world,β shane whispers, ilya shaking, shaking, shaking, two warm hands on either side of his face holding him together. βand so do i, ilyusha.β
tangentwithtanner
2087
discoholicmusic
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
kianamaiart
