i have ruined you,

the first time shane & ilya spend ilya’s birthday together i think the vibe really is ‘saying all of my dog’s favorite words in the same sentence’ because shane wants to make sure its ilya’s best birthday ever & doesn’t know how to do anything by half . shanevoice ilya pay attention i have a plan (nooo hollanderrrrr i want to fuck you NOW is my birthday :((((( how could u be so cruel to me) ok we’re taking the ferrari to mcdonald’s for mcgriddles (ilya visibly perking up) you are allowed to go 125 km/h but only if the coast is clear (imaginary tail beginning to wag) & you have to slow down if you want road head . when we get home we are taking a pot gummy & going swimming & i am grilling for lunch (ilya, his eyes huge, in the apron i bought for you?) yes ilya in the meat daddy apron . then shower, nap, one beer, dinner at my parents’ house, home by 6, and then i’ll give you your birthday present 🙂 does that sound good ? ilya, crying, shane this is my best birthday ever (shanevoice ilya it’s 9 am we haven’t even done any of it yet) MY BEST BIRTHDAY EVER WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHO I LOVE . & after they fuck (because obviously that was the first thing on the agenda shane just likes when ilya whines & begs for it & ilya does too) shane is back-to-business rustling around the bedroom putting their clothes out & talking about nothing while ilya watches from the bed w the big dopey smile of a man enamored with the bus that just ran him over

biting the hand that feeds me but im also sucking on the fingers a bit

everything in sports is about sex. except sex. which is about winning

the thing about ilya is that he’s literally nice. well maybe not nice but kind. well maybe not kind but he cares. well maybe not about everyone. but he’s a sweetie.