Various Shits

public speaking strat "Imagine the audience is naked" speedrun any%

preschool field trip to the hydraulic press I'm so excited

how did I never once think to use tape fuck

one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”

Holy shit

Oh my god this is so fucking funny

10/10 story would read again and recommend to others

@rozugold

*right clicks on you*

*views your properties*

my thrall told me it wanted to be more independent so i imprisoned its soul in a necklace. how's that for in de pendant you little shit

official amulet post

"theyre giving he man pronouns" is one of the funniest things ive heard recently. i cant stop thinking about it. he man. the man with a pronoun in his name. he. theyre giving he man pronouns. incredible

Pronouncing each of these in sequence is a very strange and amusing physical sensation, and I highly recommend it.

haha look it’s where those noises live in your dang FACE, TRY IT

Very helpful actually

in my mind "its not that deep" depends on how much the person is enjoying themselves, especially when it comes to fandom stuff. fans making lengthy character analysis out of a character with 2 seconds of screentime? theyre having a grand ol' time playing make believe in the shallow end of the pool and im not gonna stop their fun. people making discourse and starting fights over those same nothingburger characters? you are acting like you are drowning in an inch of water. stand up. youre fine.