Shrimp Behavior

i eat your grandads clothes

Macklemoth

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

people without any whimsy scare me. why are you like that. where are your trinkets.

adam and eve and.. me. i was there too but no one ever talks about it because the world is addicted to silencing gay voices

the groundhog reportedly saw "a blood red sun. in the foreground a massive wheel framing the sun in the sky. the wheel has ceased to turn". nobody is sure what this means but its probably fine

Got bitten by a radioactive dinner and now I've got supper powers

in dracula there is a cowboy and the female lead lives. in nosferatu there is no cowboy and the female lead dies. ergo, the existence of a cowboy is highly important for the survival of the female lead in a gothic vampire story.

#i am undiagnosing myself with 'adhd' and rediagnosing myself with 'cursed by wizard'

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

they should invent a grief that doesn’t define you in new and strange ways for the rest of your life

"i want him bouncing and moaning on it" okayyyy and what abt struggling and sobbing on it 😐

when someone tags a post of mine like ‘not yugioh’ ik it isn’t a criticism but it always makes me think like. damn maybe it should’ve been yugioh

That punchline hit me like a sack of wet mice

Like a sack of what

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST

are those talons & also wings or are you harpy to see me

i would be a kittypet all the way in the warrior cats universe. if i heard a bunch of guys were in the woods killing each other for survival and they think i'm the lame one for getting mediocre banquets i would be like you guys are stupidd and then when the thunderclan medicine cat comes by my fenced lot to pick yarrow i would be like what are doing and shes like medicine so my clanmates don't die and i'm like wow you guys really have it that rough. and she keeps encountering me and one day i'm like why don't you come inside there's plenty of kibble and she averts her eyes shyly and is like ...no that would be against starclan and i'd go To have a little kibble? and she's like You know what i mean. and i do. 5 moons later she is getting adopted by my people and visions of her ancestors still haunt her and she is from time to time like Did I do the right thing...? how could i be so selfish...? and i'm like my toy mouse squeaks