&;

when i was little i thought it was stupid that sims had a meter for how much they liked their environment, while as an adult i'll clean some part of my house and later feel the bar going up when i walk by it

Saying “I’m back on my bullshit” is funnier when you cycle through hyperfixations at random intervals because no one knows what bullshit you’re talking about unless you’ve made it obvious before or while saying it.

To be back on your bullshit you need to be off your bullshit ever. But I’m over here jumping from bullshit to bullshit like I’m playing some kind of platforming game. The only times I’m not on my bullshit are when I’ve fallen off the platforms and can’t get out of the lava to get back on my bullshit.

I was born in the exact right generation I love being an unmarried woman in my twenties with my own bank account and no children

I cannot fucking believe I am drunk, past midnight, and tumblr is throwing fucking saturated fatty-acids at me

Listen here friendo I didn’t sit through a year of organic chemistry for you to come into my house and call a carboxylic acid a saturated fatty acid you respect that hexadecanoic acid

And I didnt get a degree in biochemistry to hear you say that carboxylic acids with aliphatic chains arent fatty acids. That hexadecanoic acid IS a saturated fatty acid!

watching heated rivalry as a life long fanfic enjoyer with a professional eye..... nice placement of death in the family..... sublime injured partner/protective partner.... exquisite 8tracks playlist....

Can't quite cope with how much this looks like me and my dad

There'll be mulch when you are done

Lay your wormy head to rest

Don't you crawl no more

Halfway through these I forgot that these were supposed to be Onion headlines and not actual headlines for the DC universe.

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

would you like to share with the class 🤔

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

would you like to unshare with the class