Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I hope I'm not stepping on your toes, @corporatebanana, but your pointy teeth monster theo has bewitched me body and soul. and also activated my weird magical bullshit trap card. So I wrote a ficlet about it.
--
“I'm sorry to bother you,” Evan said with an earnestness that was going to be his downfall one day, “but I don't know who else to ask.”
“It's fine,” Tommy said, even though a year's worth of unanswered texts and ignored calls meant it wasn’t. But that was on Tommy, not Evan, who lost someone he had furiously and joyously loved. Tommy didn’t love like that. He spent the first half of his life unaware it was even possible to love the way Evan did. “What do you need?”
Evan picked at the cardboard sleeve on the coffee cup. Despite the fact it was hot and only going to get hotter, Evan had eschewed his usual over complicated frozen monstrosity in favor of just regular hot coffee. “I have a foster son,” Evan said only to them immediately laughed. “Holy shit, Tommy, you gotta control your eyebrows or I’m never getting through this.”
This turned out to be the last year and half of Evan's life, an insane recitation of insane events made impossibly even more insane by Evan's rehearsed tone, like this was a funny slice of life story he was sick of telling.
“And now Theo is living with you,” Tommy said, eyebrows wrestled back into submission.
“He, uh, doesn't have anywhere else to go,” Evan said, the picking turned into full on shredding. They were going to have to sweep up the mess before going so they wouldn't get banned; it was the only coffee shop that employed a barista who hated everyone but him particularly, which meant she made the best coffee in the entire city. “Kameron’s family kicked her out and Connor was an only child. His parents and aunt aren't able to take care of Theo.” And then, a little guilty: “He needs a lot of attention.”
The old hurt snapped into anger. “He just lost his parents. Of course he needs attention. Jesus Christ, Evan.”
Evan jerked back a little, blinking rapidly in the face of Tommy's misplaced anger. “Hey, I know that, I do.” Evan said it gently, as if in apology even though Tommy was being an asshole. “I just meant that Connor’s parents were older when they had him, and now they’re not able to care for Theo. That's all.”
“No, I’m sorry. That was my own bullshit. I didn't mean to put that on you.” He scrubbed a hand over his face so he didn't have to look at the complicated face Evan was making. “So what do you need me for? Pretty sure your sister or Diaz can give you better parenting advice than whatever I could come up with.”
“You'd be surprised,” Evan said dryly, and pushed his unlocked phone across the table.
The kid that stared up at him was cute, and now that he was looking for it, undeniably Evan's biological kid: same nose, same beaming smile, same—wait. He zoomed in on Theo's smile, trying not to feel exactly like what his father always claimed he was. “Is that...?”
“He gets it from his mom. That’s why her family kicked her out.” Evan’s brave little smile wobbled. “Theo is, uh, he’s like—”
“Like me.” He couldn’t look away from that pointy smile. “Yeah, I don’t think Diaz is gonna cut it for this one.”
The cardboard sleeve had been reduced to its base components. Tommy passed his sleeve before Evan could start in on his cuticles.
“I know we haven’t—that I haven’t—” Evan broke off, frustration pulling the corners of his mouth tight.
“Just say it,” Tommy said, gentle even as he felt the telltale warmth along his spine. Thank god he’d been smart enough to go with a high collar shirt and a hoodie; the only skin showing was his face and hands, which were normal. Safe.
“There aren’t many people like him. Even the social worker doesn’t have many resources.” Evan set the cardboard sleeve aside. “It’s already so hard to be a kid, but this is going to make it—”
“Even worse for him?” He kept his tone level, but Evan flinched as if he shouted.
Evan shook his head. “Kameron and Connor should be the ones helping him and loving him, but now he’s just got me, and I don’t know what I’m doing.” Evan’s jaw set with that earnest determination. Nothing in the world was as devastating as Evan’s sincerity. “He needs people in his corner, and you’re one of the best people I know.”
Tommy closed both sets of eyelids. There it was, just like how he knew it was coming. Evan wanted what he could do but never just wanted him. He couldn’t even be angry about it; it was his own fault for never bother to fucking learn.
“Tommy?” Evan touched the back if his hand.
His opened his eyes. Right now, hidden under the shirt and hoodie and his sturdy boots, he was all lit up, a warning to predators that, hurt or not, the smart move was not to fuck with him. He slid his hand away.
“Does he have any other traits outside of the teeth?” he asked.
Evan stared forlornly after his hand before giving himself a hard shake. “I thought maybe he had like super smell, but turned out it was only for cookies. So just the teeth right now.”
“He’ll probably develop a couple more as he gets older. Puberty is a real bitch. I had terrible growing pains and I was itchy all the time.” The worse part was the never ending deep burns as he grew new nerves and cells and—well, changing in the locker room got a lot more complicated after that.
Evan perked up a little. “Oh, is that when you got the—”
“Yup.” That came out too short and Eva deflated a little. It was hard to tell from just a picture, but he’d bet there were too many teeth for Theo’s small mouth. “You should get him something to chew on.”
“Like a dog toy?” Evan said in an extremely scathing tone.
“First of all, the kid is what, four? He’s going to want to bite anyway but he is definitely going to want to put those chompers to work. And I’m sure they’re bothering him. Chewing will help.” Theo was too young to be able to tell exactly what kind shit got mixed in with the usual genetic make up, but Tommy had a feeling. “Has he lost any teeth yet?”
Evan squinted suspiciously at him. “You mean his baby teeth? He’s like several years away before his adult teeth come in.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about baby teeth. There’s a good chance he’ll lose and regrow them throughout his life. You’re going to need a good dentist. I’ll ask around.”
“Regrow his teeth?” Evan said, ignoring the bit about the dentist, which was fine. Tommy had that part covered. “Like a shark?”
He smiled. “How does the kid handle bath time?”
Evan made the face of every aggrieved parent. “He loves it when he’s actually in the bath, but he hates getting in or out of it. Transitions are hard for him.”
“They’re hard for everyone.” One last look at the picture before he pushed the phone back across the table. “We’ll have to take him down to the beach and see how he does with the actual ocean.”
“You think he’s really like—but you don’t have the teeth,” Evan said. And then, “Wait, we?”
Tommy gave his best nonchalant shrug. “I know what it’s like growing up with an extra rung in your DNA. Like you said, the kid is gonna need people in his corner.”
Evan swallowed hard, clearly fighting his own Buckley DNA to keep from crying. “Thank you,” he said softly, and this time Tommy let Evan take his hand.
“Of course,” he said just as soft, even as his weird, monstrous DNA lit up in a futile effort to ward off danger.
It is very important to me that Gideon Nav is seen as a Losergirl. Seriously, she isn’t suave. She THINKS she’s suave, but she isn’t. She IS funny, especially when she’s the one narrating. Gideon is, in canon, a homeschooled teenager from a religious backwater planet and has canonically never touched a titty that wasn’t printed on paper or attached to her body. Don’t get me wrong, she is The Character of All Time.
But we all need to remember that this motherfucker blushed and stuttered when an older woman so much as batted an eyelash at her. She’s got as much game as Luke Skywalker going to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters. She’s amazing. Losergirl representation.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Total stranger on the phone who we’ve never spoken to before: I have power of attorney over the CEO of this corporation and we are a customer of yours. Please change the administrator password on the server to XXXXX
My boss, putting on white grease paint and a red wig: Oh, of course! Let’s do it quickly so that you’ll want to keep working with us since you’re going to be making business decisions!
Me: I would sell you to satan for one corn chip and I’m allergic to corn but before you do this maybe you should call someone who is actually on our contact list for our customer and see if they’ve ever heard of this stranger.
My boss, looking through a selection of shoes that honk when you walk: Oh, but she said that it was very important that none of the employees know what was happening because they’re making staffing changes.
Me: As your lawyer I recommend that you just call a single one of our contacts and see if they’ve ever heard of her name.
My boss, shoving all of our technicians into a VW beetle: You’re not my lawyer.
Me: HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW? I COULD BE! YOU SHOULD MAYBE CHECK ON THAT.
Security firms that are hired to check the security of banks will often use the following tactic: They will walk up to the teller in a suit with their ID badge and a clipboard and go:
“Hello I am [name] from [security firm] we’ve been hired to verify the security of the facility I need to see your computers.”
“Erm…I’ll have to verify that with my managers.”
“Congratulations, you have just passed the security verification.” [Scribbles on clipboard] “But in all seriousness I do need to verify your security so I need to see your computers.”
“Social engineering” is a way too fancy word for what it is. I know a guy (not personally) who broke several people out of prison by essentially writing “Greetings, please release this person, signed, whoever the judge is” on a piece of paper and faxing it there. Because no one would have a fax machine in their own house I guess.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I hate when king arthur has all these fussy little steps in the instructions and you're like "no way do these fussy little steps matter" but you try it and they do. they matter so much.
I thought you meant Camelot quests and I was like "that's fair, 'never pick a four leaf clover on the last Wednesday of the month' IS a fussy little step that shouldn't matter" but then I was like "wait isn't that also a flour company"
“baby xena - a ham in the making! she was born in the hazardous materials storage shed on the continental machines property in savage, minnesota. her mother was feral (you couldn't get anywhere near her) and her father was a traveling salesman.”
the way rr/tierney introduce ilya is so funny to me because when you first see him you're just like jeez this guy is such an asshole why is he like this. and then seconds later it's just like um it's because he has a 1) dead mom 2) who killed herself 3) an abusive dad 4) with alzheimers 5) a brother 6) who verbally abuses him on the phone 7) when ilya refuses to wire him 50 bands all at once 8) all while he spends new years eve all alone in the grossest motel you've ever seen 9) and he's bisexual.
and you're just like. well shit. that will do it i guess.
and then with shane it's just like. oh this guy's life is perfect. i wonder what's wrong with him. and then the very next second it's like does shane think a suit and tie is necessary for all sex??? or just gay sex???
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
2087
stormborns
areudirty
tangentwithtanner
turnnoffyourmind
