I think you dialed the wrong romcom

hyperfixating on a fictional woman who went underdeveloped in canon is literally FUN and the 80-90% of fandom people who only do the same for background character men have no idea of the degree to which they are fucking missing out

for anyone on the fence about watching in the grey (2026) -- listen to me. hear my words. the central pitch is: what if there was an extremely intelligent and gorgeous international law attorney (???) played by eiza gonzalez who employed a team of 6 men (headed by jake gyllenhaal and henry cavill but that's sort of beside the point) whose job is simply to physically extract her from dangerous situations. she walks into negotiations with warlords, evil billionaires, etc while her men run around being extremely competent and preparing multiple evacuation routes so that under no circumstances will eiza gonzalez ever be without assistance. and the 2 main guys are giving married couple of the old school losers/a-team/man from uncle variety, where they quip at each other in a way that is vaguely homophobic and vaguely romantic in between running around doing extremely competent action movie shit. the 6-man team refers to eiza gonzalez as either "ma'am" or "mom" and use both to her face. they treat her like sworn knights treat a queen or like guard dogs treat the hand that feeds them. this dynamic is like crack fucking cocaine and i need everyone to get in here NOW

loveeee characters who think they're likable but not lovable. characters who know they have surface-level admirable or alluring traits and so make sure to highlight those traits so that nobody looks closer to see what's underneath. characters who know they're hot or clever or cool and use that as a suit of armor so that no one ever gets close to them, because when they strip bare and show their vulnerability they're not any of those things, which means they have nothing left to make up for who they inherently are

Once again I´m thinking of Snowball in Hell, one of my favourite paintings ever

anyhoo. I do think that they should do an opening emergency with fun duos. Like citywide shutdown because of like an ice storm or something. But like everyone should be stuck in duos. Eddie and Maddie are stuck with Theo, Jee, Chris, and Baby Robert Nash Han for some weird babysitting exchange at precisely the wrong moment and they realize they’ve never really talked. Buck and Karen stuck at a museum, both trying to remember anything paramedically related they’ve learned from Hen and Eddie to help people. Athena and Ravi trapped at May’s apartment because her shift ran late, Athena is having the time of her life drinking May’s wine, Ravi wants to eat glass. May and Chimney trapped at the hospital where Chimney was dropping off paperwork or whatever. Harry and Hen trapped at the station because they were napping.

Every day I am haunted by the fact that Jupiter Ascending was not based off of a million word space opera fantasy book series and that I cannot go to the library and take out like six door-stopper sized volumes of sheer unhinged gendervibes-y space werewolf bee queen batshittery where every new freudian space eugenicist villain talks like he's trying to eat the scenery's pussy out harder than the last guy. 😔