Derp

NAOMI KLEIN to SAM ALTMAN:

"...you ingested the entire written output of human civilization without consent, without compensation and without credit to build a system whose primary commercial application is eliminating the jobs of the people whose work you consumed.

This is the money butt.

you look at them and you’re like “wow! what amazing photographs” but they’re oil paintings

Minecraft is 15 now!! That’s nuts!! I never thought Minecraft would gain such a foothold in my life again once I was out of high school, beyond the occasional “two week Minecraft phase”, but here I am, years later, still kicking! I’m making OCs for Minecraft now and it’s something I never thought I’d do!

And this, primarily, is due to the PHENOMENAL Minecraft OC and creative community that I’ve come to know and love. So I wanted to take the day to promote some folks! If you like what you find in these here blogs, please reblog this post and get it out there!! I want more people to know about my friends’ cool stories and characters! :3

First up, my dearest darlingest cowriter and friend Milan @corsomondo is cooking up some Fantastic stuff with their illager trio and everyone related. The story is genuinely extremely well written and I love how they write their antagonists especially. I won’t spoil anything, because it’s their story to tell, but I know a lot about it now from our talks and they make me so nuts /pos so go give em a look!!

RT @radioactivetoad (/art blog @vurm) has a fantastic array of pillage idiots drawn in such a unique and adorable style??? im obsessed. I am especially fond of her witches, Diana and Ghurrai. Such loveable freaklets I hope you know :3

Amy (who i’ve been calling Frogfire all this time bc of discord ashddjskskd) @jadeitepandaproductions is producing a DAILY WEBCOMIC (!!?) about the misadventures of her player/builder OC Nephri, in a modded world using the Homestead modpack. It’s genuinely really impressive on sheer numbers alone but it’s also oh-so-charming to read and now multi-medium. she’s in her second arc now so go give em a read!

Beemeat @bumblezone has a handful of delightful Minecraft ocs that I really enjoy! Victor, Pierce, and Wren are so so sick i love them a lot!! I ought to ask more about them!! I think Victor should bite somebody's hand off :3

putting Stamp @unrelatedcause and Bia @bia-lou together for their work on Jerry (we love jerry) and the Jerrylings as well as their own ocs that I simply adore, like Feather and Silas and Einya (shoutout to @sztefa001 as well for Jerry)

And I wouldn't know any of these guys if it weren't for Bright @brightgoat's epic Patreon server. Bright needs no introduction, but it bears saying that My World AU has kickstarted my creativity again and I couldn't be happier. You're an inspiration, Bright!

other creators of relevance i simply must tag include Seven @e40536, Snipsnap @snippitysnappednecc456, Raya @monkeysareable2fly, and many many more im not thinking of immediately! all of you do GREAT stuff in Minecraft and Beyond!

And last but not least, I'll toot my own horn a little. I've been working on a looooooong My World AU fanfiction (ten chaps and over 30k words now and Still Going!!) entitled Marry Me A Little, Love Me Just Enough on Ao3, alongside my cowriter Milan. For Minecraft Day, I'm dropping a new chapter, bringing us to 11!

Marry Me A Little is a fake marriage au/trope fic wherein Nil and Polly have to pretend to be lawfully wedded in order to stay in a village for a couple days, navigating all the social caveats and complicated feelings surrounding it. Shenanigans ensue! I'm really, really proud of the work we've done and the original characters we've made for this fic, so consider this kind of a soft-launch! Go read it! Thanks a ton to those of you who already have even though I don't advertise it on here!!

Villager and Illager peace talks

The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.

Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.

Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.

Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.

If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.

So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”

This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.

When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.

A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.

That was on top of the prior abusive emails she sent demanding to know why I’d changed things in her perfect manuscript. Like, y'know, grammatical errors and typos. Or her batshit concepts of human anatomy.

I also regret to inform everyone in the notes discovering this for the first time and wanting to believe this was satire, it was actually Christian Erotica (which is actually a very profitable sub-category of the genre).

This was a wholly sincere attempt at writing scintillating sex.