dude..

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious

Sometimes I put my face up against my dog while he's sleeping to feel his little lungs expand and his little heart beat and I am struck by the beauty of of life and the miracle of nature to evolve for thousands of years just to create one little guy and put him in my house

northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me

southern hemisphere babes, they're stealing our fucking daylight!

Easter egg for office workers: if you go onto Excel and press ctrl+left, then ctrl+down, you will reach cell XFD1048576. If you put a dot in there, then ctrl+A and fill every cell in black, you can then print 34 million black pages from your office printer and get fired

fully sober and lucid walking down the street googling "is it normal to get a haircut" "am i allowed to get a haircut" "is the guy at the barber shop going to be mad at me when i go in there"

Oh no.... not my bed and my pillows and my blankies..... sure would suck if I.... got snug as a bug in there.... whatever would I do......

My blog is exclusively for people that didn’t try in PE. The only people that go to heaven are the bad bitches that walked the mile.

they should make a version of my life where everything didn't go horribly wrong when I was 14

Lmfao

dance that makes you bigger

turns out i simply cannot handle things or situations

Pissed off i didnt recieve any packages because i didnt order anything. Just unfair

i just think people should want me carnally even though i never leave the house