STAR WARS owns this ass

wasting away again in tumblrinaville...

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved

you are alive on a planet with insects and whales and diatoms and mycelium networks and puppies and your human friends. literally so awesome to be a living thing

you don't know what a rock could be going through

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

would you like to share with the class 🤔

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

would you like to unshare with the class

nip over to troy, bit of rough and tumble, big horse, bish bash bosh, back home to ithaca. simple as

joe biden should do another stimulus check where the ira sends me a lox bagel. with cream cheese please

irs.

34 cents

fuck off i know what i have

what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas

there have been four editing passes on my spider sex book, and each time they take away so many commas. no fresh commas are being added, this is just a continued culling. if you see a comma in the final book please understand that it survived so much

Air to air combat is the easiest form of warfare to argue that both parties consent to. Dogfighting is basically kink and it should turn you on at least a little.

This honestly does it all such little justice. You need to know your opponents airframe intimately- how it handles, turns, how much it weights and how it pulls against the air. How to dance with her body elegantly, and all for just a brief moment under the sights. The strain of your body as you pull the stick, the strain of the engines as they try to give all the force you need. All for a glimpse. The blood rushing from your head as you push forward, the fight for elevation, dominance, potential energy. Position is gained slowly and lost quickly. Eagerness can find you vulnerable, under the eye of your enemy. And all they need too, just a brief glimpse. Just one moment under her sights till you’re undone, penetrated, bleeding oil and smoke and shuddering.

Aircraft Mechanic (angry): Hey! You're trying to fuck my wife!

always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal

ah shit they're gaining on us. we gotta jettison some weight. throw all those stolen boomerangs out we don't need em

On it, boss!

Bad news, boss!