:⁠^⁠)

George Katsavos on Flickr, 2006

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

why on god's green earth would you show this to your mother

we're white

Did you know that um…. (remembers that words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm) …………

crazy how there are only 2 hours of doing things every day before you keel over and die. if this werent normal id be worried